She was born to Robert and Peggy Fear.
november 7th. They named her Vickie Lee.
Second to the youngest of 8 but far from free.
She never got the love she truley deserved.
Nobody told her she mattered.
Now she's in her 50's. Still bruised and tattered.
She left home with a goal in mind.
To never hurt again. To never look behind.
Trying anything possible to numb her pain. But it never worked. It was all in vein.
Halfway down the road she gained a responsibility she couldnt have been ready for.
She couldnt handle anymore.
Jody, Ben, Lia, Forrest.
Brown, Red, Blonde.
The intentions were right but the result was not. It was far and beyond.
She's sick inside and I cant save her.
Looking into the past, It's all becoming a blur.
I'm watching her put on her make-up in front of the double sinks.
I can smell cigarette smoke. It stinks.
praying that maybe just maybe her car wont start this time.
Staring at the carpet, I remember the design.
She called me her "shaddow". I used to hold onto her leg.
Don't leave me I would pray to God. I would beg.
Her laugh rings in my head like a song I can't forget.
I don't know how she really feels and if she lives with any regrets.
I can see her shiny brown hair sparkling in the sun.
Driving with the wind in my face was always so much fun.
If I could go back and tell her one thing; I would asker her to help herself.
I would scream.
She gave me the same disability she has.
It's like a disease, it even infected my dad.
Asking her to help herself is like asking a quadriplegic to walk.
She needs to find the key to her soul because it's locked.
locked in a place of time were she was a victim.
I don't believe her efforts of saying she's forgiven.
because if she's truley forgiven she would love herself and believe she deserves love and happiness. Instead, She hides within herself.
It's a mess.
* Written about my mother. I love you mama.
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