Goodbye - 3/29/12

As I sit here and listen to rain pound on my roof.
I can't help but to think of you.
Where are you?
Are you thinking of me?
I know your not.
Because you're unable to see what i see.
unable to feel what I feel.
You're such a different kind of love.
You make me feel so alive.
Literally like I could touch the sky.
You make me feel like I'm on drugs.
Like I'm high.
Losing my mind.
And the next I'm flying.
Then you start lying.
Emotions become chaotic.
Thoughts are so rapid.
My brain hurts from all the deception.
I don't know whether to start to cry.
Or start laughing.
Constantly putting me down.
Then immediately picking me up.
Then we take a break.
Because we have had enough.
Always finding a way however back to the dysfunction.
Not realizing its just not meant to be.
It's not true.
But then why can't I seem to move on from you.
Like I'm living a scene from the adjustment bureau.
You keep your secrets buried deep enough for me not to be able to find.
I can't seem to erase the memories from my mind.
There are so many questions that will never be answered.
It infected me like a cancer.
Making me sicker by the day.
Unsafe from an unfounded cure.
You make me feel like my hair has fallen out.
Unable to look into a mirror.
How are you capable of being two different people.
Depending on who's eyes are watching.
Loving me.
Or mocking mine.
You once called your love for me "phases"
You said you should love me always.
But that just wasn't the case.
So friends we try to be.
But I love you too deeply.
So that's just not gonna work for me.
Now were at a cross roads of letting go.
The curtains been called.
Its the end of the show.
But I'm frozen.
Motionless.
Like Ive been crazy super glued.
Forever stuck to this spot.
While you live on like you've forgotten.
Somewhere inside,
You believe your own lies.
Your heart aches for something you wont allow it to have.
So it's began to slowly die.
Now your frozen.
Motionless.
Because you've become emotionless.
Not allowing yourself to feel whats real.
Not being who God made you to be.
Letting your past.
Choose your fate.
When the time came for what was right.
You passed it.
Now your too late.
Late once again because you're ignorant.
Self centered and only able to think of what profits your life.
You think this girl is going to be anything like me.
So you're trying to make her your wife.
Tell me I'm wrong.
I'm not the one who lied all along.
You try your best to lie and disguise.
But we both know how much your dying inside.
That's where I keep my faith.
I tried to save you more then once.
I was always there.
Unappreciated.
You never cared.
None of what you dished.
I deserved.
All I ever did was serve.
Serve and cater to your impossible standards.
And all in the mean while you called me the coward.
In pursuit half my life for something that turned out to be not worth it.
I don't need any of it.
I don't want it.
I know who I am.
You don't have the strength,
To pull me to the ground.
I will never again.
Allow myself to be your "friend".
Because in the end Its me who's always hurt.
Face in the dirt.
Curled up in a fetal potion.
With bruised and blacked eyes.
As you turn your back again.
With your head held high.
Forcing me to sever these ties.
I love you so much.
But enough is enough.
We tried.
We failed.
Goodbye.....

* According to you....Atleast I have pretty hair.