Here you are again. Running.
So many laps you've left your tracks in my brain.
Driving me insane. I can't think with all the running.
It's making me crazy. I'm delusional.
Forced for my mental health to choke down happy pills.
Lost somewhere with myself.
Because you only cared about yourself.
My heart is still weak from having been brought back to life.
Pumping it with paddles until you hear the sound of it beating.
Your heart has been revived.
There for another taking. Still surviving after breaking.
Have you ever seen a mosaic in the sunlight.
What it reflects. Tiny little lights. Like glitter on the wall.
Kind like your broken heart filled with permanent holes.
But yet still beautiful. In it's own right.
From how strong it has had to be.
Battling through the endless fights.
I still managed to carry the torch for you.
Even after everything you put me through.
I will never lie. Hide what I'm feeling inside.
You didn't kill me. I didn't die. I'm still breathing. Surviving.
Strangely, I will always be forced to love you.
Despite the fact that I don't want to.
Living with only a reason that God has a plan of why he brought you.
Telepathically, I feel like it can feel when you think of me.
Just another thing driving me insane. To feel crazy.
Because of all the marathons you're running in my brain.
It's clearly driving the insanity.
Please. Stop. Leave me to be happy.
For once, Do what's best for me.
Set me free. Mentally. Stop trying to kill me.
Slowly day by day. Without even knowing.
Side effects not apparent. Nothings showing.
You destroyed who I am. Forever stuck in that place.
With dreams your in. I can still see your face.
Every second we spent together I was taking mental notes. Pictures.
And now I want to forget. But I can't.
Something won't let me. Or God wont.
There's still something left to be learned.
All I know is that I want to be let go.
Everywhere I go you seem to follow.
Or somehow your memory revived.
Brought back into my life and back out just as fast.
Like an F5 tornado. Clearing a path.
Leaving it's rubble left all over the place.
All over the floors. All over the ground.
Pieces of life. Pieces of yourself scattered all around.
Leaving for me to set out and search for.
Or give up because they are lost forever.
Everyday I'm the one earning feathers.
You made me stronger then I ever thought I was capable of being.
I'm hurt because I'm human.
I'm not sure what you are.
You don't seem to feel at all. like your not real.
You were my "Phantom" jokingly.
But I'm starting to think maybe I was right all along.
Your detached from reality.
I know how it is. To create a space you can tolerate to live in.
And at times those thin walls start to feel like they are caving in.
Making the space your living in too small.
You feel a need to escape. You've become claustrophobic.
You need a flashing neon exit. Fight or flight. And your in flight.
That's why you're running laps through my brain.
Ignoring truths. Living happily with assumptions.
If you ever read this I hope it bring memories.
Memories of how much you hurt me.
To learn from your mistakes.
So there's no more hearts to take.
Then discard after you took the life from them.
Until It's so weak it eventually breaks.
Defeated. But with a cycle that's repeating.
Making you feel powerful. Like your some sort of King.
There's a reason you prey on people who are weak.
Appearing as a caring, Giving, Loving, average guy.
When in fact you can't see beyond yourself.
You're a wolf in disguise.
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