High school. Different experiences for different people.
Usually has something to do with where you come from.
There's only so much room to write mine down.
I was only there for a short time.
These are only some:
Waking up in the morning so early.
You would do anything to stay in your warm bed.
Getting ready with my brother.
Before we walked out the door,
My mom always made sure we were fed.
Pulling up to Estacada high.
I never wanted to be there.
I would rather die then go inside.
I was beyond shy.
I was concealing so much. Hiding.
From all of you.
Hoping your eyes would never find the truth.
That's why I never wanted to be around any of you.
Only letting very few people know what I was going through.
It was so much more then you could ever learn from a book.
I felt like school wasn't at all teaching me. I was distracted.
I felt like it was a shark tank.
It didn't matter how smart or pretty or popular you are.
They still always seemed like they wanted to tear you apart.
With their mouths. With their words.
With their attitudes. With their stares.
With every negative mood.
Nobody there honestly cared.
It's not the best place to be when you are already coming from a hard place.
People there don't care what's inside.
They only see your face. The color of your hair. Your eyes. Your size.
Making fun for their own selfishness.
But to you it's not fun at all.
Little do they know you have access to your dads shotgun.
Contemplating your own fate.
Thinking about being the one to end it all.
There seems to be no other escape.
Like living in a wooden casket.
You can't move within these tight walls.
But you can breath at least.
Deceiving. It's only for a short time.
Until you run out of oxygen. Suffocated.
So here you are.
With a sawed off shotgun.
Pointed at your very own chest.
Feeling hopeless. Totally worthless.
You try so hard but it's never enough.
Its not your best.
Rumors that spread as fast as the STD's.
I never wanted any part of it.
Knowing from such a young age that there had to be so much more to life.
So that's what I decided.
That I would leave this life.
Without the help of a shotgun.
And I would set out to find myself.
By the time I started to even somewhat figure it out.
All these people were already in collage.
Still living the party. Still living the dream.
Because they came from better families.
I used to be spiteful towards this kind.
Until one day I had sudden realized.
My parents could only show us what they knew.
even if it might not all have been true.
You don't choose who you are born to.
There is only so much parents can teach you.
Because of their own struggles in life.
Maybe they never had the time to find themselves.
Before you unexpectedly arrived.
Some have an upper hand in life.
But never use that as an excuse to be sucked in.
To become angry. Or useless.
Fight. Forever. Until you run out of breath.
Then, Keep pushing. Never stop.
You learn as you grow.
You cant learn if you stop.
So keep on walking.
I left high school in the ninth grade.
I tried to go back. But by then it was too late.
I had already experienced too much of life.
School for me was like, watching barney when your an adult.
I felt so different. And always thought it was my fault.
Little did I know it had absolutely nothing to do with who I was inside.
Until I left. Until I could get my mind right.
I've always done better when I'm alone.
I prefer to be alone.
Like Leonardo De Vinci.
For my own sanity, I need to find every answer.
I feel compelled.
I can't let it go until I figure it all out.
So this doesn't happen to my own daughter.
Moral of the story,
Is if you are still in high school.
Or have a child and you are reading this.
Stop what you're doing. And hear these words.
Our children are our future.
My dad always said..
"If you are going to do something, Then do it right".
I'm finding that applies to everything in life.
Take your time to do it right.
Stop picking on kids.
You have no idea what they secretly might be going through.
It only reflects back onto you.
You know what's right from wrong.
That has nothing to do with you dad or mom.
It's that sick feeling you get from being mean.
From not being yourself.
For trying to keep up with the rest of them.
To be a part of the scene.
But what's going on behind the scenes.
Creates the whole production.
It's whats most important.
So be who you truly are.
Listen to your values. Listen to your morals.
Lead. Never choose to follow.
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