Here I am again.
Knocking at your door.
Not even sure if I want you to answer.
Unsure of what to say.
There's so much.
I don't know how I'll ever get it all out.
On sunny days,
When there are no clouds,
I remember the good times.
The times when you constantly made me laugh.
Smile.
The times when I was blinded by your light.
Or vise versa.
I'm finding it hard to think in this moment of when it hurt.
All I can feel is love.
No matter how much I shouldn't.
Its out of my control.
The attraction is too intense.
Gravity is pulling.
Pushing.
Shoving.
Tugging.
Tearing me into pieces.
Things seem to blur because of you.
I'm out of it.
I cant even find me.
I'm lost in lust.
Lost in the chase.
You're the cat.
I've always been the mouse.
We begin at different times.
To meet again.
Never meeting in the end.
Trapped in these mazes.
Life strategically placed,
These clever distractions.
Anticipating our reactions.
Tearing us down only to build us up.
Hine sight,
It was always about love.
Regardless of the end result.
It was never about a relationship.
Lover or friends.
We were never suppose to meet in the end.
Because if its not the end,
Then its not over.
This pain was a cover.
To teach us to appreciate the journey.
The lessons handed down.
Like it was food for your soul.
In the moment,
Blazing in my ear,
I wanna be, by Chris Brown.
As hard as you tried,
You couldn't find a frown.
This is for once,
A happy cry.
Because after the rain stopped,
And the clouds left,
When everything dried out,
So did my eyes.
My heart was wrung out like a soaking wet sponge.
Renewed again,
I can begin again.
My journey is once again,
Moving.
I was terrified to begin this moment without you.
But now I know I'm going to do alright.
Because of you.
I'm sorry that we were both hurt.
I'm sorry that we both were burned.
I'm sorry that Its never been our turn.
And it may never be.
It may have never been meant to be.
There was compatibility.
The problem was captivity.
Possession.
Too much curiosity and dependencies.
An imaginary reality.
Intensity.
Ingenuity.
Diversity and too many discrepancies.
The inferiority was too much.
At some point it was best to walk away.
Leaving it all right there.
Like a room you wouldn't dare to clean after a loved ones passing.
Or disappearance.
You want everything to stay right where it was.
Never touched.
You want every memory to never be lost of unkempt.
To this day, I still have that locket.
Saving it all for another day.
A day when you feel strong enough to open that forbidden door.
The bitter sweet flood.
Of every emotion that can be felt on planet earth.
At one point in sadness,
I even wished for a heart transplant.
How sad is that.
When life throws you tests such as these,
Do your best to look at it positively.
Or like photography.
Developing from the negative.
Let all that pent up energy,
Free.
Although this fantasy has been filled with mostly Ecstasy,
All good things must come to an end.
Never in my life did I think this would be one of them.
This insane friendship.
I'm still smiling.
Thinking of setting sail.
Off on another journey.
Sadly leaving this one right where it is.
Right on the shoreline.
I cant take you with me.
Not this time.
Not ever again.
This could very well be the end.
But funny how the world works in mysterious ways.
Because every time I'm sailing,
Like Pocahontas,
I can feel you in the wind.
Knowing it wont be too long,
Before I begin to think of you listening to some sad song.
Next time,
I will remember to smile.
And think of these final words.
You were a part of what created me.
I'm finally accepting that no matter how bad I don't want you to,
You will follow me for eternity.
Because you are stitched inside me like patch work.
Creating the most beautiful quilt.
That will forever keep me warm.
Maybe after all,
It was meant to burn.
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