All the times we laughed and kissed.
Its like in 5th grade,
I had a premonition.
Of what I thought my entire life would consist of.
Love.
With my best friend.
His name, I cant say.
Only think.
Just repeating mentally I feel like I am being swarmed by butterfly kisses.
Its like a land of make believe.
A land of magic and fantasy.
Of course they don't exist.
So how did I allow myself to get so caught up in it.
Its like Cinderella trying on the wrong shoe,
And it just doesn't fit.
Period.
Cry all you want but It wont change a thing.
Its never been right.
Its always been about timing.
Not being precipitated.
Or so I thought.
But what I too,
Had forgotten,
Was that I WAS forgotten.
By someone who was holding my bloody,
Beating heart in their hands.
At a time when we were friends,
It was protected.
But when things got bad,
Slaughtered it.
I think back often and wonder if it was even real.
Like Bella in twilight.
I feel hypnotized.
I feel haunted.
I feel angry.
The hate wants to consume.
So badly.
And I want to let it, sadly.
Because its easier to hate you then it is to love you.
I deserved to be loved.
Like a child gets from their parents.
Unconditionally.
You not only love me,
But you accept me.
Even if I am crazy.
Being proud of that.
Like my sister.
Considering you are completely incapable of this,
I Should have realized,
I never even wanted this.
Years ago.
When you question why things happen for a reason,
You're wasting time.
Say goodbye.
Willfully.
Happily.
Because until you choose to do this,
You will be like Drew Barrymore in never been kissed.
Awkward.
Shamed.
To blame.
For allowing your life to become what it has.
Pack your bags.
And buy a one way ticket.
To being the sole person to give you happiness.
That happiness you so desperately crave.
The brush you ran through has now created a path.
Follow it.
Don't turn back.
Be brave.
Repeatedly tell yourself that its going to be ok.
Because it is.
You could even call it common sense.
All of this.
The choices you choose,
The people you allow,
And your behavior,
Can either make your own self an enemy,
Or a savior.
It took me far too long to realize I was listening to the same old song.
Your release is in letting go.
Of everything that makes you feel hallow.
Empty.
Full of nothing.
This life is much too short for that.
Imagine this path.
Of happiness.
Like you're attending a party at Woodstock in the 70's.
hallucinate without the drugs.
Its called your imagination.
Don't let it too, be forgotten.
never feel complacent.
These words are not intended to be compliments.
They are seeds to beautiful vibrant plants.
Flowers.
Trees.
They are intended to help us both succeed.
Its quiet possible the person speaking is a different personality.
One I've created because of the person we've discussed.
The kind that forces you to be enormous.
Hulk.
On a rampage.
Because someone or something,
Opened the cage.
One that is brave.
So much more brave then I could ever be.
That's why I let her guide the insecure parts of me.
Pave my way to happiness and butterfly kisses.
I chose to walk slowly down this particular path.
And now that I've gotten this far,
I don't ever want to go back.
Back to that place of bitterness and loneliness.
Literally feeling death.
Like its the only option to be free.
Free from me?
Or free from you?
In not exactly sure.
But what I do know,
Is that I would rather be left alone with myself forever,
Then to live another day of what you put me through.
I've always been clever.
Witty.
Humble.
Smart and beautiful.
But being lost in your darkness,
It too had been forgotten.
My first kiss,
Made me this.
Exactly what you see.
So as hateful as I would like to be,
I guess this is where I say thank you.
Because in the end,
I'm going to be happy.
Not because of you.
In spite of you.
It's all quiet simple.
I was just trying on the wrong shoe.
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