Words Are My Crazy Pills 1/15

Stretching.
Tearing.
Binding.
Racing.
Racing through life so fast.
There is never a minute to relax.
Feeling as if I have multiple lifetimes of work,
Jam packed into one.
For some unknown reason.
Left for me to find.

In this race and feeling as if I'm running out of time.
Some believe people who die young,
Feel it coming long before it actually happening.
Sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm panicking.
Even with these thousands of words,
They wont ever be a fraction in comparison.
Of what I have discovered and experienced.

I always wondered,
Why me?
I spent my entire life filled with questions.
Negative emotions.
Controlling my abilities.
My free will.
Reducing me down to labels.
I have to fight the same society I have no choice but to survive in.
Because I am "different".

My society doesn't seem to usually like that.
They desperately try to mold you the minute they figure it out.
And when they cant,
You're tortured.
Ridiculed.
Whispers.
Fingers.
Rumors.
Enemies.
Disguised so well as best friends.
All to get close.
For information.

To fuel this blazing fire lit within most humans.
Ironically,
Even after death,
Negative energy is what gives evil spirits more energy.
To go around terrorizing.
It happens everyday.
Even before you die.
The only ones who seem to cannot be able to understand this,
Are the ones who were born in a horse drawn carriage.
They weren't mistreated.
Manipulated.
Abused.
They were held.
Consoled.
They were never treated like an animal.

Their perspective isn't their fault.
Because even as an adult,
Some of those perceptions are just too ingrained.
And changing,
Would mean abandoning,
Everything you ever knew.
Abandoning you.
You, yourself.
Having to leave that person behind.
Set out on a journey with nothing but the clothes on your back.
No money.
No love.
Not even for yourself.
The one you just abandoned.

Now you have to start over,
And learn how to have that all over again.
Experiencing it as a different person.
With a new perspective.
Nothing will ever be the same.
The complacent and comfortable ones,
Just aren't strong enough.
So the few left that are,
Huddle together,
Wishing on stars.
Spending everyday,
Exhausting ourselves,
Just to open a few eyes.
Or hearts.
However you look at it.

I wonder if any of them also have this feeling as if they are desperately running out of time?
Why else are we the only extremely passionate ones?
I try to make sense of everything that doesn't.
I want answers.
I want love.
Peace.
Justice.
And not just for me.
For everybody!
Without understanding,
Empathy,
And compassion,
We will never be a united nation.

Forget what your government tells you.
Its all lies and manipulation anyway.
They want you to grow up on welfare and food stamps.
There's no other reason,
Why a soldier of war,
Makes less than your average congressman.
Tupac once said,
"They got a war on drugs instead of a war on poverty so that the police can bother me".

Social workers, advertising children on craigslist.
Like they are a paycheck.
Police will never stop killing.
Without crime,
Even if there isn't one,
They don't get paid.
Filling food with cancer causing additives.
To make you sick.
So that you need medicine.
So that you need to see a doctor often.
An 8 week round of chemotherapy,
Costs roughly, 30,000.
Coincidence?

We haven't found even one cure to any form of cancer?
Susan G Komen,
Is donated to for no reason other than to fill the CEO's pockets.
They cant offer you breast screening,
But the CEO walks home with almost a half a million?
Nobody questions why history doesn't speak of pharmaceutical industries.
Purposely hurting you,
As it leaves a trail of money.
Your hard earned money.
Spending on average,
8 hours a day if your "lucky",
Away from your children and families.
The people who are most important.
For money that you never even see.
And when you do get to spend it,
On necessities especially,
So many are just left with nothing and struggling.
No rewards.
No vacations at Disneyland for deserving children.

Hard working citizens.
Men who spend their entire lives outside.
In every condition.
Breaking backs.
Building homes we lack the time to spend in.
The commercial building.
Where this robot life begins.
The public school system;
Where only a few short hours are what's needed,
For any decent curriculum,
But yet,
Children spend as much time at school,
As you do at work.
Practically being tortured.
Over worked.
For no reason.

Some children expiernce such horrible things because of absent adults.
Even at their "safe" school,
With their unsuspecting teachers.
Bullies exist in every single one of them.
We blindly follow hundred year old declarations,
Written by men in wings.
When so much has changed since then.
With how fast our world changes,
Have you ever wondered why that doesn't?
Or religion for that matter?
Have you ever wondered if Earth was an experiment?
How they know so much and hide it?
For what reason?
"Predictions" made by ancestors,
Seem to be nothing but stories.
The proof is disappearing.

History is being erased.
Changed.
Distorted.
Aborted.
You don't ever question whether your mind is unknowingly being controlled?
Before looking at me like I am crazy,
Go take a look around.....And then get back to me.
The only thing I do believe,
Is that we still have a chance to change these things.
If people chose to make a difference,
Then your children would be safer.
Happier.
The world could for once rejoice in laughter.
Instead of weeping together.

Decide today,
To never be the same.
To never be reduced to a label.
You are more than your body.
More than your mind.
You are more than a programmed robot without a face or name.
You are a human being.
With a face.
With a name.
With a family.
Find the courage to care more for anything besides yourself,
And that tiny contribution makes a large impact in this world.
I'm absolutely positive of that fact.

Food For Your Soul 1/15

This is for people of color.
I say that because without it,
Nobody will stop to hear it.
To see me.
Actually hear me.
As a colorless human being.
Understand me, for me.
Instead of basing every opinion,
Off of what you think when you look at me.
Thinking that beauty takes away from life expedience.
What this corrupt world has taught.
Or broken history has taught for that matter.
The public school system,
Is a laughing matter.
Then I became a mother,
Suddenly the world was colorless.
Most find all the beauty in those moments.
But I didn't.
I saw everything I didn't know I was scared of.
Apprehensive of.
Afraid of this world that my perfect daughter was just birthed in to.
I started ripping apart fairy tales.
Novels.
Book's.
Encyclopedia's.
Walking through spiritual worlds.
Learning history on my own free will.
Listening to insane theories.
Asking questions.
Living in fantasies.
And living obsessed with the science to everything.
I chose to not feel bliss, by ignorance.
I chose to see people,
And this world for what it is.
This life has nothing to do with anything other than money.
For so  many.
In some way eventually,
That's what it will come down to.
The ghettos.
The suburbs.
Religion.
Sickness and cancer.
Corrupt laws.
Stereo types.
The projects.
War.
Guns.
Drugs.
Violence.
Poverty.
There's no self love.
Raised from children,
To have and live with a certain perception.
Certain expectations.
Never led by example.
Becoming an adult,
For some,
That perception starts shattering.
Violently.
Making you angry.
Reckless.
And judgmental.
Or maybe for some,
That's just what they lived since they were an infant.
Raised with hate.
All of us.
All around us.
For or from, one thing to another.
Parents aren't super human.
But treated and expected to be as such.
And when the stitches start falling apart,
And the family tree starts crumbling,
The blame is misplaced.
From everything to rap music.
Models.
Social media.
Drugs.
Violence.
And I don't believe that's the case.
Influenced?
For some, maybe.
But the ultimate problem starts at home.
Nobody seems to be strong enough these days,
To take responsibility.
We are all just blaming cops for black people dying.
The statistics will show you,
Clearly there is a problem.
But is it really with race?
Or is it with stereo typing?
Of every race.
I would like to argue the white privilege label within my country.
Because although I'm not ignorant enough to know that it isn't non existent,
It exist because we all allow this bullshit.
We don't just allow it,
We fuel it.
Like we need it.
Some chose to forever be a victim.
Needing extra attention.
From a lack of self confidence.
Constantly needing reassurance from an entire nation.
If you think that me,
Being white means that I've never truly experienced racism,
You're nothing more than a self loathing hypocrite.
I too, get so much shit,
Than you could imagine,
All because of the color of my skin.
I'm not even just white.
I'm also Native American.
You don't think I'm frustrated too?
I'm no longer seen as a person by some,
But as an entire race when voicing my opinion.
At first,
The conversation or debate is rational.
And then frustration from different perspectives and perceptions,
Alters opinions and masks true feelings.
People will attack you.
Humiliate you.
If you wont bend and be or think like them.
Like being different than the masses should be a sin.
The unconditional love scares them.
Because of the minions living within them.
Negative souls don't just feed off of negative energy only after death.
Its all around us.
In every fast asleep, or waking moment.
So why is it when looking into faces,
That we just cant seem to look past races.
If our souls have color,
Then I would have to argue its the same as the rainbow.
I cant help but to see the world for what it really is,
But more than that,
See it for what it isn't.
What it could be.
If people could just lay down their personal belief's.
If they could be more open to something their mind doesn't understand or even believe.
Just like when we were children;
Living in these broken, thoughtless, public school systems,
We learned because we studied.
Building skills over time.
The problem in our world today,
Is entitlement.
And not just coming from some spoiled rotten children, of any color.
The greatest people in our history lived serving.
So what makes us think we are any different?
If you don't see me for me,
Based off of a nationality,
I cant change that.
I can only try to deliver my true feelings,
And break through the labels and stereo typing.
I'm sure there's some reading this right now,
With their own label gun firing upon me.
Working so hard.
Its jamming.
Again, making you feel frustrated.
I will never allow negative energy or color of any kind,
Get in the way of the practice of compassion.
Its not a skill we are born with.
And when I look around,
Or voice my opinion,
Then have my character shredded,
Is my evidence.
As a child,
I was taught to treat others, how you would like to be treated.
I always believed it.
By a mother who was raised by a racist father.
It nearly killed her to break the cycle.
When it came to hate.
She told us she loved us every single day.
Because love is more powerful than hate any day.
Don't try to argue that.
Because you're already too late.
I don't live in that kind of place.
I live in a place similar to the day of August 28th, 1963.
When Martin Luther King Jr delivered his "I Have A Dream" speech.
A place filled with faith and hope.
A place where love is the antidote.
A place where the love and acceptance we give one another,
Changes history forever.
Re printing children's history books all over the world.
Showing them that its never too late.
Showing them by being the example.
Martin is gone.
May his soul forever rest in peace.
Before looking at me,
Like these things wouldn't matter to me,
Look past my physical features.
Look past the surface beauty.
And see my rainbow colored soul.
 

December Rays 12/14

I'm sitting in a ray of sunshine.
Its December 14th.
2014.
There's still so much pain in the world.
So much hurting.
So much suffering.
Its not right to dwell,
But its not right to not acknowledge it as well.
How can you change something,
If you don't realize there's a problem?
Some place, where its all going wrong.
In order to organize,
Sometimes you just have to go back to the beginning.
No matter how bad you don't want to.
No matter how much it hurts you.
Like walking up current.
Its exhausting.
But its also liberating.
Finding answers.
And some that were never meant to be found.
I feel like that is the reason for what I see when I look around.
Without the pain,
The corruption,
The injustice,
We wouldn't have a purpose.
When people become complacent in large masses,
Bad things will happen.
Things like the Holocaust.
Those who went through it,
Earned respect.
Why was it only when they were tortured?
Why only when they die?
The biggest divide,
In this entire world is religion.
And I will never comprehend it.
Because why does it matter?
When there is this much suffering,
Wouldn't you hope for something better?
Don't you imagine it?
I do.
Everyday.
Its what gets me through most of the days.
Some seem to find that weak.
But this is where you pick up your feet,
And keep on moving.
Learning.
Discovering.
Asking questions.
Offering help.
Loving unconditionally.
Being larger than life itself.
I believe that's the purpose of those crispy thin lines of misunderstood words,
That some believe are nothing but lies.
Its not there to judge.
Its for you,
To look inside.
Pulling out everything that's beautiful.
And applying it with every waking moment.
When I see some who are in the worst pain,
I cant help but to notice,
Its because they don't realize they have a purpose.
They don't see how much they are worth it.
How much they are needed.
They want to question the only positive guide in this life.
And maybe it isn't some judgmental man in the sky.
Its as simple as energy.
Maybe our God,
Is all of us.
Every single one of us.
The ones before us.
Our ancestors.
A combined energy.
Of one.
So large,
And so expansive,
That it never ends.
Its what creates us.
And takes us.
It ends,
Just to begin again.
Sometimes when I think of the future,
I get confused.
Dizzy.
Because I don't feel like we are going forward.
I feel like we are going backwards.
Time is a thought in the first place.
So how can you not see that you have a purpose?
And for you to not question that purpose,
Is almost criminal.
Criminal and hurtful to only yourself.
So the next time I pull my bible off the shelf,
You can go ahead and look at me like I am desperately trying to find a reason.
Because I am.
I am appreciative of the time that I was given.
I know deep inside,
That this is not my home.
If I'm not mistaken,
The time spent here,
Is extremely short.
I feel as if these words at times,
Are my last resort.
To not become who society wants me to be.
As soft as silly putty.
As confused and angry as Hitler himself.
As helpless and as desperate as the million who are starving.
As lost as the drug addicts.
I don't blame them ironically.
As complacent and unaware as the masses.
I cant.
I let this infection run wild until its officially become an abscess.
There has to be a better place then this.
I have no intention of ever forgetting that.
I dream one day to live in it.
Before my time is over.....
I wish to spend my time here,
On this planet,
Loving.
Loving so hard that it hurts me.
So badly.
So deeply.
Repeatedly.

Is Death My Best Friend? 12/14

I've almost legitimately died,
Quite a few times.
The first, was when I was just two years old.
I climbed up on top of our fridge,
And drank an entire bottle of amoxicillin.
The second, was again, when I was just a child.
Years later, after this incident,
I had a severe allergic reaction to this same medicine.
I was lying on my kitchen floor.
I couldn't breathe.
My entire body was horribly itching.
The third was when I was 8.
I almost drowned in the pacific ocean on my birthday.
I was saved that day by strangers.
The fourth was some time before my teens.
My mom couldn't find my pulse.
So the ambulance was called.
I was fully awake.
The paramedics just stared at me.
In a strange disbelief.
Because there was nothing physically wrong with  me.
I simply, felt ill.
The fifth was a car accident.
My head went through double plated glass in the windshield.
Seconds earlier, I had been fighting with my seat belt.
I couldn't get it buckled.
It kept locking.
The sixth was when I tired to take my own life.
When I was still just a child.
I was being force fed pills.
By doctors who didn't know what else to do with my "crazy".
Little did I know,
They were the driving force behind my "crazy".
I struggled with body dysmporhia,
And self mutilation was my form of release.
I literally needed to see myself bleed.
When I think of it today,
That type of pain still hurts me.
Just not to that extreme.
The seventh was when I was attempted to be kidnapped by two Hispanic men.
They almost succeeded in getting me to a second location.
But I knew I would die.
So I tried to fight.
And I ran for my life.
The eighth was on a rafting trip.
Everything including myself,
Was thrown from the raft when it flipped on the first rapid.
It all happened within seconds.
Head first, I went in.
I went under.
I will never forget the sound.
The powerful sound of roaring thunder.
My face hit first.
Breaking my nose.
My left leg was wedged between two rocks.
In that moment,
Time seemed to be stopped.
I opened my eyes under the water.
All I could see was white.
White everywhere.
I could feel my own hair.
Brushing my face and my shoulders.
I felt it in slow motion.
Just like in the movies,
Or legends we are told of,
My life didn't flash before my eyes,
But what did,
Was the minutes before we had all gotten in.
I watched in slow motion as this rope I was entangled in,
Desperately holding onto underwater,
Was slowly pulled,
(While captured in still photos)
From every rubber loop of that inflatable boat.
I opened my eyes again,
As I immediately let go of that rope.
As I floated underwater,
And thought of life and death,
I made a choice.
That I wanted to survive.
Everything that was wrong in my life,
Was temporarily forgotten.
I wanted to live.
I started ripping on my own leg.
Trying to get it un-wedged.
I remember thinking in those split seconds,
That it was ok if I only had one limb left at the end of this.
I just wanted to live.
So badly.
As fast as I was trapped,
I was then released.
As I was surfacing,
I could hear yelling.
Hollering.
Screaming.
Someone tried to grab onto me,
But had to let go.
They kept going back underneath.
I turned to my left and there was my hero.
An ore.
I grabbed onto it and was back in like it never even happened.
But it did.
And it changed me.
Each time I am faced with death,
I'm reminded of why I fight to be here.
Why I want to be here.
I reminds me that I have a purpose.
I'm obviously here for a reason.
The ninth time was after I had given birth.
My baby girl arrived in this world, by C-section.
Although it wasn't my dream,
To have her brought in so un naturally,
I was just happy.
To hold her in my hands.
Within two weeks I was very close to death.
I had gotten an infection in my incision.
I didn't want to believe it.
I kept telling myself what they told me.
"Its going to get worse before it gets any better.
Believe me.
You just went through 30 hours of labor and massive surgery.
You're going to feel like you got hit by a truck Lia."
So I waited.
Day after day.
Holding my baby girl our rocking chair.
Every time my mother begged me to call and ask,
Every time I was told, "It was because I was engorged".
They were wrong.
My mother was right.
And its only because of her that I survived this last time.
I arrived in an emergency room in phoenix Arizona,
In the early a.m. hours.
I'm fortunate enough to still be here to be a mother to my daughter.
I give credit to my mother because I like to be tough.
I had no intention of helping myself.
Like always.
After so many experience's with death,
I became obsessed.
And with each experience,
I also become closure to this so called "heaven".
Its like angels came to me every time.
Helping me to survive.
Because Its just not my time.
The tenth was when I fell asleep behind my wheel.
Going 75.
At 5 a.m.
A bright blue light is what made me open my eyes.
After the shock of the trauma,
I'm left with questions that haunt me.
Its like he's begging me to find the answers.
Even when I sleep,
My mind continues to wander.
Into unfamiliar places that frighten me.
I used to turn away.
Go back the way I came.
Stayed in one place.
Frozen solid.
When these voices started speaking to me.
I've never been so terrified.
Or felt so sensitive.
Scared.
Afraid.
And just simply full of horror.
When unexplainable things happen to you,
You just know there's more.
Nobody can walk in my shoes.
So I just like to show you,
All of these crazy worlds I have been led through.
Being able to talk about my feelings,
And share them publicly,
Is what has forced me to grow the most.
I'm no longer hiding.
My pain is visible.
So is my happiness.
My love.
My freedom.
There is nothing left to run from.
Its all here.
In these hundreds of confessions.
Like I'm talking to God himself sometimes.
While I write these.
Alone in my closet.
I'm claustrophobic.
The small space creates fear.
I do it intentionally.
Making my feelings greater.
Larger.
The contrast creates a mystery in my mind.
And I have to think fast.
So I can be released from this claustrophobic closet.
I share it.
Even though I'm hesitant.
Because I hope we can learn one day;
That we are one.
On a job.
A job of our very own.
So its ok if you don't understand me.
But for your own happiness,
You should learn acceptance.
What is, is what is.
And what will be, will always be.
We are already in a land of make believe.
I just try to show others,
With these life experience's,
That the unimaginable,
Is possible.
How do I show you what I have seen?
Because its almost impossible to even believe.
I don't know why he chose me.
But I have never been more aware of why I am still here.
His plan is working.
And so is his love.
I know there's more waiting for me.
For you too.
If only we could believe in what some consider un-necessary or fantasy.
If we could believe in the power of people too.
If we could believe in the power of LOVE.
We're not all dumb.
We're not all numb.
Imagine the possibilities.
Love each other deeply.
Always remember that days are numbered.
We all meet our fate eventually.
Don't wait.
If we do,
It will be too late. 

Lazy Labels Crazy 12/14

Do you ever walk outside,
And look straight up into the sky?
For just moments,
Pondering your purpose.
Wondering how you got here.
If this was even your original home.
I know....
I sound crazy.

No more insane than these drones.
These secrets.
These manipulations.
What am I suppose to believe?
Is it all lies?
An illusion?
Is my only purpose,
To work,
Make money,
Build a happy family,
And then die?

When I look up straight into the sky,
I dream.
I imagine.
I imagine life on other planets.
I dream of a better society for the one I'm living on.
I close my eyes.
And deeply breathe.
Appreciating,
That much needed oxygen.

I'm courageous in that moment.
Releasing everything.
Picturing it in mind,
Blowing away with the wind.
I turn music loud,
To create a healthy distraction.
I'm writing to it in this very moment.
Allowing myself to feel.
Instead of masking it.
Hiding it.
Covering it up.
I don't want to run from it.

Experiencing foreign things in each second,
Is how I will choose to spend my entire lifetime.
I don't know how to tell you;
I've seen the other side.
There IS something more.
I always felt that there was.
I was enticed to follow it since I was a kid.
Until I finally discovered it.
This journey started when I was 6.
I'm 27.
That's a long travel.

I've multiplied my knowledge.
I want to live to learn.
I don't have any other option.
Once you've seen unicorns,
Horses will never seem as beautiful.
I'm in search for another world.
I know they are out there.
I know that I belong there.
This is not my home.
I've known that since my life initially began.

Every single thing I feel here,
Is strange.
Different.
Wrong.
Over half the time it's horrible.
Even though there is the beautiful.
The gorgeous moments in life that you wish you could capture in pictures.
Hang in a frame and put it on your wall.
So every time you walk past it,
You can be reminded it's not always about feeling the suffocation or the fall.
Above all,
I have this intense need for freedom.
For release.
From all of these pointless and mindless things.
And unfortunately at times, even people.

I want to spend my time in a place less evil.
In a place less stressful.
A place where money doesn't matter.
I know it exists.
I just need to find it.
Now lastly,
We come to strangers who look at me strangely.
Completely perplexed.
Having no idea how to even react.
Because you feel like you've just been attacked.

The unknown turns to fear,
Which in turn,
Is turned onto me.
With a need to point out the obvious.
The differences.
Windows to dark souls,
Looking at me like I'm crazy.
Read that again.
Like, I'm the crazy one.

Forgive me for discarding my motherboard.
And yes,
That was meant to be sarcastic.
I will never apologize for being who I am.
If some think I'm crazy,
That's their prerogative.
I don't love you any less.
On my quest for happiness,
I hope to light some paths.
With my own pain,
And love for language.
I hope to never feel surrounded by judgmental strangers.
Just individuals who experience similar things.
Therefore we find an understanding.

Makes me feel like I am a part of a team.
I guess if I want to make a difference,
I should stop living in dreams and false realities.
But that's where I'm divided.
I know for sure fact,
That there are different dimensions.
With energy of souls existing in them.
They are even desperately trying to communicate in most cases.
You can read that again too.
I don't mind the crazy looks.
How am I to abandon something that so desperately wants to be found,
For something that refuses to make a sound......

Like Beyonce Said: "Who Run The World? Girls" 11/14

You prance around with your un-shattered ego.
Refusing to let me go.
Still, bringing other girls home.
To sleep in your bed.
The same bed, I rest my  head.
Finding different color hair strands in my hands.
Wrapped around my fingertips.
My heart feels like its base jumping in those moments.
My mind is free falling.
Without a parachute.
My rationality is spinning through hoops.
My voice disappears.
Like I was Ariel.
Who gave it to Ursala for my Eric.
My unconditional love is sinking like the Titanic.
So violent.
And sad.
Like with any grieving process,
I become mad.
Irate is more like it.
Out of control.
With a will to do so.
On a rampage of anger.
Everyone becomes a stranger.
Feeling unaware of what they are capable of.
Like a stray cat.
Unlike a free white dove.
Trapped and afraid.
When moments earlier,
I was feeling elated.
This roller coaster that we all know too well,
Is driving me straight to hell.
Allowing another human soul,
To steal my own.
To damage my being.
Leaving me with nothing but these awful feelings.
I never wish to go back.
But again,
I end up trapped.
Falling in love,
Is exactly what they call it.
Falling.
I never question in advance,
Where or when I am going to land.
Just like an innocent child on a ride at Disneyland.
Its so liberating,
That before its even over,
I have a desire to experience it all over again.
Even when I'm hesitant.
Or scared.
I feel compelled.
To pull up pieces from my own soul.
Before its stolen.
On my race to get it back,
Is when I learn the most.
I cant hate those who hurt me,
Because little does anyone know,
Including I,
How much I needed to feel like I was going to die.
How much I needed to be torn apart inside.
Sometimes we need to cry.
There is also no excuse for intentionally hurting another.
Every man,
Should look at every women,
As if it was his mother.
And before you go making that perverted,
Isn't that the problem already?
We are not created for your sexual satisfaction.
And while I'm at it;
I wonder if a man has ever looked at pornography,
Questioning the human being?
Taking away their own need for release in that moment,
And seeing a stranger,
As somebody's daughter.
Not to mention,
There seems to be little attention,
Brought to these life altering events.
Its what makes these behaviors, glorifying.
When the reality is horrifying.
Do you honestly believe those men and women are just simply nymphos?
Who enjoy sex more than the average?
Or do you ever stop to wonder what could have happened to them when they were children?
Why someone would even allow such degrading things when being an educated adult?
Half the time,
They likely don't even remember it happening.
But it created this animal,
Within a human.
With an overly active response to sexual behavior.
Little do we even know,
How we could be one of them also.
There are layers upon layers to everything that has a surface.
Never become complacent.
Nobody realizes how much we contribute to such horrible things.
Like sex abuse and sex trafficking.
Child pornography.
We all know it exists.
But nobody seems to be desperately trying to put a stop to it.
Its our neighbors.
Friends.
Uncles.
Brothers.
Husbands.
Fathers.
Grandfathers.
And we refuse to acknowledge it.
Acknowledge the sick.
I've read about how businessmen travel to Thailand.
Because its the most easiest place to take advantage of children.
I'm tired of men getting away with it.
Its not ok.
Women need to scream with their voices.
Pay attention.
To deceitfulness and manipulation.
Because some men,
Literally just cant help it.
They have a problem.
Taught since they were children,
That its ok to mistreat women.
In fact,
We use to take offense,
When a boy didn't sexually prefer a girl.
Abusing him verbally for not being able to bend his free will.
His preference.
The more manly you are,
The more respected you're given.
So it makes sense,
Why some men don't give a shit about women.
We only draw the line when it becomes physical.
Its not right at all.
I'm blond.
With a chest.
That was only created to feed my children.
I'm tired of standing on this stage.
Who put me here in the first place?
Just because I'm attractive,
Doesn't mean I want or need the attention.
Just because I have self worth,
Doesn't mean I'm a stuck up bitch,
Or that I'm narcissistic.
I'm sure there are many women who are as fed up as I.
The expectations are getting ridiculous.
I would like to go back to spending my time with children.
Sustaining a future.
Not spending it taking care of men.
Men who have no respect.
Men who have little appreciation for women.
We are the only reason your last name is carried.
These incredible bodies that were meant to create life,
Are now only sexualized.
Enough is enough.
We're exhausted.
And please,
Don't lecture me on the 1%.

Are You Bored? 11/14

 

I'm so angry.
And don't want to be.
Its frustrating me.
Driving me crazy actually.
People question things.
Things they see.
Things they hear.
About me and my family.
The ones I love most,
Are some of the most broken.
I will never apologize for being one who believes.
Who doesn't give up.
One who believes in the power of love.
Not just love,
Unconditional love.
The pure kind.
The kind you're given when you're given life.
Birthed into this madness.
You should be taught forgiveness,
Before you're taught history.
You should be taught compassion,
Before you're taught science.
Learning how to love yourself,
Will never leave you with feeling its not enough.
If you look at every sunrise,
To find more appreciation than you find in other times,
You are spending your time,
Wisely.
If you can feel the wind and be inspired,
It has the power to put out internal wild fires.
Hearing the river run, can make you feel elated.
Do you get it yet?
The little things are so important.
Everywhere we turn today,
Its like I'm seeing zombies.
That would give me nightmares as a kid.
This blender full of liquid is exploding,
And nobody can find the lid.
Splattering on every surface.
Making it nearly impossible to clean up.
Part of it will be left behind.
For who knows how long.
Even after you move on,
Someone new is cooking in that kitchen.
And in your mind you think....eh, not my problem.
But it is.
You should have cleaned up your own mess.
How long do we really think this planet can stay sustained at this rate?
How long before we are putting each other on a dinner plate?
Or isn't that already happening?
I cant even get on a social network like Facebook,
And look at someone say,
Like Kim Kardashian,
Without seeing the most hateful comments.
Things I didn't even realize others were capable of feeling.
Where does that come from?
And is it a responsibility of mine, and yours, to ask that question?
Offer them help?
Help that we don't know how to give.
Can we learn together?
I'm nowhere near perfect.
But never a day in my life,
Would it make me feel better to judge someones character.
Belittle and degrade.
humiliating and attacking.
A fragile human being with feelings.
For fun.
For my own entertainment.
Because I'm "bored".
I sit there some days,
With tears in my eyes and just wonder why?
How?
When did this happen to our planet?
To our world.
Blood sucking leaches,
Will not stop at ounces or liters.
They will suck you dry.
So do as I;
Get the up,
Wipe your eyes,
And live your life like someone died.....For you.
Because they did.
Since when did you think it was ok to be awful?
Vile?
Terrible?
You want to ask that father,
On his second tour,
How that makes him feel?
While you sit there acting like an immature 12 year old with no life experience,
Someone is losing the ability to walk,
Fighting for YOUR freedom.
YOUR rights.
The greatest people who ever walked this earth,
Spent their time....
Serving.
Remember that, the next time you're hurting.
Wondering why life is repeatedly, hurting you.
Because you refuse to listen to your heart.
Instead, its our best friends, boyfriends, parents and even strangers.
When will we learn to grow?
As people.
As human beings.
As communities.
Backtracking is exhausting.
Enough already.
Why, are we not just as one nation,
But nations from across this world,
Making excuses for the massive hurting on every street and in every building.
STOP pretending that these things aren't happening!
STOP taking your anger and frustrations out on Kim Kardashian!
Get off Facebook,
And go read about Martin Luther King Jr,
Rosa Parks,
Kennedy,
Lincoln,
People who made a difference!
Why are we acting as if our time isn't running out?
Fastly.
I'm angry.
I have no choice, but to be.
Because, although i will never underestimate the absolute beauty,
I'm angry that nobody will acknowledge these demons.
I refuse to not,
Spend my time,
Living my life.....
Serving.
And to hear some say.... "This is boring".......