It's Ok To Be Broken 9/14

The devil is very real.
The truths in this world are guarded safely.
They are meant to never be revealed.
You have to go looking for answers.
To questions that you ponder in your head.
Questions that circle everyday.
Everything is undead.
Not only walking beside you,
But rather inside of you.
My grandmother is one in mind.
I turn around in a panic,
To things I cant understand.
I'm convinced its her,
Who gently tugs on my hair strands.
In the back of my head.
Or when a smell takes over that stops you in your tracks.
Its strong.
Making sure you notice.
You look around in curiosity.
Because in the place you are in,
There is no way you should be smelling it.
Little things along the way,
To make sure we don't forget that they are there.
Trying to communicate.
That part is why my mind cant seem to concentrate.
I can only contemplate.
And wonder.
What is the purpose of them wanting to be discovered.
What are they trying to say.
They try so hard.
So it has to be for a reason.
Because just like a human,
The afterlife seems to be full of some who are still unhappy.
Its lead me to question what it is exactly that I hope for.
Wish for.
Dream.
Want.
When the answers started to come,
I was shocked.
Stopped dead in my tracks.
Once again.
Because I started to see....
That I will always be one,
Who was slightly unhappy.
Who never had enough.
Dreaming so big that you remove yourself from reality.
Into a magical one.
Where anything is possible.
No matter what is put in your way.
Or how many obstacle's.
You see things that shouldn't exist.
There is a force behind you.
Moving you into all of this.
Giving you no other option.
As you're catapulted forward.
Leaving things behind.
That you had hoped to keep with you.
Forever.
In each moment that you travel forward,
Everything behind you is just in a distance now.
Getting further,
You are feeling emptier.
Even with rainbows and unicorns,
I don't have have my loved ones.
My family.
Again I'm questioning.
Everything.
What is important.
What do you truly wish for.
Within a split second,
I smashed into the pavement.
Back to reality.
Shot down in mid thought.
Now all that's left is fragments littering the cement.
I'm scattered into a million little pieces.
Fighting for my own pieces.
Fighting off minions for them.
Have you ever seen tears on a warrior.
Its painful.
Or your prom queen die.
Right in front of your eyes.
Not just seconds,
Minutes,
Days,
Weeks,
Or even months.
Years.
Walking on this pavement,
I looked up.
To see my own soul dangling.
The thing I wanted most.
I ran.
Chased.
Encased myself with obtaining it.
Obsessed.
I preached about never becoming selfish,
And all in the meanwhile lost my entire family.
Here i am again,
Writing.
Words that don't even matter.
Because I thought I had the strength,
And the smarts,
To follow them.
I don't.
Instead I give myself ultimatum's.
Choosing myself,
What is true,
False.
Fake.
Real.
Fantasy,
Altered realities.
When who do I think I am?
God?
With some master plan?
Maybe he is trying to currently put me in my place.
Because I'm angry.
With anger comes weakness.
To be weak enough to let in the devil and his minions.
I don't ever wish to be one of them.
Have you ever had to do something you really didn't want to do?
But you had to?
Because it was the right thing to do?
Dealing with the criticism that involves such decisions.
And the life altering events.
They try so hard to change you.
I use to gladly let them.
Thinking it would only make me a better human being.
But now I'm thinking,
That i should have never let in any of it.
I should have fought for myself.
Like I am now.
I don't want it to change me anymore.
Because when its more than I can fathom,
I become a monster.
An angry beast.
Who doesn't act like herself.
Judgmental.
With a lack of compassion.
I become a kind of walking zombie.
Similar to you.
And the drug that uses you.
I let myself travel in these moments.
To hurtful places.
I cant seem to figure out if it is a good thing.
Because you see,
We are all only human beings.
So how did I not see it coming.
I was on a different level than your pedestal.
You were able to see more than I.
At different times.
The older I get,
The more I understand you.
Because I'm going insane too.
This is what happens when you try to hide pain.
It destroys everything.
Down to your free will.
There's a different person inside who begins to take over.
Making the choices for you.
When you speak,
Depending on the person,
That too becomes different.
We all have something we would like to portray.
But something a little different that lies within.
Never seeing the beautiful.
Because its hidden.
And this.....
Is where I think the dead come in.
Maybe they want us to free ourselves.
Before we are forever trapped in pain.
In order to see clear blue skies,
And angels in heaven,
Even if for the illusion to try and depict a different dimension,
A gorgeous dimension,
Don't ever try to be perfect.
Its ok to be broken.
You're more beautiful,
When you're simply human.