When I was a little girl,
I had dreams like majority of this world.
I dreamed of being successful.
Helpful.
I dreamed of being anything great.
Never thinking about time.
And how it changes things.
I was just living in this false reality.
This world filled with fairy tales and these unattainable dreams.
When you're just one girl,
It seems impossible to change the world.
I understand that it's not healthy to have a life that's perfect.
But I just had hoped this life would be worth it.
I feel like these days,
I have to fight for it.
Everyday.
New laws,
New reforms,
Thanks to my government.
It has nothing to do with people voting.
The public is losing.
Each day,
More of our rights are ripped away.
They expect people to remain voiceless and simply obey.
The "rules" are fairly easy.
Keep the peace and keep the secrets.
If you don't,
You could suddenly, and unexpectedly, sink.
They'll make sure you don't float.
The higher you get,
The more you become a "risk".
A target of some sort.
In most cases,
I could draw you a blueprint.
Its so transparent.
All of it.
Even though you're treated like a sheep.
So much smarter than they would like to believe.
Because you see,
Most people don't actually want to see you happy.
It makes them angry.
When I was dreaming these dreams,
This was never a part of it.
I didn't see it.
My innocent imagination,
Couldn't have thought of something so hateful.
I wasn't prepared for it.
It derailed me.
Stalled me.
It took many years to keep it moving.
Blazing full force ahead despite anything that's in my path.
I refuse to stop for nothing now.
Because if I do,
You'll kill me somehow.
Or at least try to.
Don't lie.
Think right now of the richest person you know of.
All of the sudden you're filled with envy.
Jealousy.
Greed.
All because of a piece of paper.
Because of money.
But before feeling guilty,
Imagine this....
You were raised by an entire society.
Not just a couple people.
Your music.
Your televisions.
Sports events.
Fashion shows.
School.
Especially college.
You're no longer an innocent little kid.
You were thrown into shark infested waters,
Making sure you were bleeding first,
And asked to swim.
Like your life depended on it.
You can hear laughing when you cant quite make it.
You're drowning to these voices.
Slowly.
But surely.
In this moment your survival instincts aren't kicking in like they should.
And you cant understand why.
Until you open your eyes.
Underwater your entire life is flashing.
Like you're at a drive in.
What you see is hurtful.
But masked with such beautiful moments.
That are only moments.
Never lasting as long as they should.
Never lasting as long as you want them to.
In the next moment,
All you can see is red.
If life is so beautiful....
Why do we have to search so far for the great.
I remember the first day I took interest in what the government was doing.
9/11.
School was cancelled and I watched the whole thing on the news.
I watched planes crash into indestructible structures.
Thousands screaming and running.
I saw people in those buildings,
Jumping.
Years later,
I was curious about the conspiracy.
The tyranny and anarchy.
The lack of compassion and empathy,
Lead me down an unforgettable road.
I cant go back.
Even if I physically could.
My dreams were shattered and with that,
Came a feeling I didn't even know I was capable of.
Hatred.
Revenge.
Wanting people to be held accountable.
For their actions.
Their bills.
Their corrupt laws,
Legislation's and declarations.
Their alien like politicians and presidents.
That have been no better.
Do they do their jobs for themselves?
Or for you?
Me?
Someone please tell me!
I'm lost.
Left with loss.
And anger.
Turn around and asked to be a contributing citizen.
In mediocre things like sports events.
A waste of time if you ask me.
Because what you're missing,
That to me is so transparent,
Is that this "entertainment",
Is there to control your brain.
Your thoughts and therefore your actions.
Its really simply.
its only science.
I remember my grandmother telling me that,
Things would "rot my brain".
If only I knew what that truly meant when I was a little girl.
Such a fragile woman,
But far from ignorant.
Smartest I've ever known.
Trying to jam pack life lessons into my heart,
And into my brain like she was running out of time.
And she was right once again.
She was forced to leave me.
When she was only in her 60's.
Cancer is a terrible disease.
Once again,
Because of pain,
I went searching through information.
Trying to learn so I could understand.
And get rid of this unwanted hatred.
Desperately trying to mask what I was taught.
I abruptly learned,
I had no choice but to cover it up.
I choose to look at it as if its the Mona Lisa.
There's many layers underneath the beauty.
Of struggle.
Of pain and frustration.
Not all that glitters is gold.
I figured that out when I was 12 years old.
My words are not judgments.
They are observations.
And if I'm kept in captivation,
I feel like its clearly my occupation.
An obligation.
To learn.
To teach.
To share.
To light the darkness and put love into the air.
Even when its painfully truthful,
I will not hide how I truly feel.
That deep, silent suffering,
Is enough to kill.
So excuse me for using my free will.
I'm only trying to survive.
Just like you.
So as easy as it is,
To look into my eyes,
Belittle and lie to me,
Save it for it another day.
Because in this moment I'm beautifully free.
Not afraid of the fact that you will eventually deceive me.
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