You reached in and stopped my internal clock.
I think of you when I don't want to.
And I cant stop.
I feel like my head is collapsing.
You're not there this time to catch me.
And I'm falling.
Fast.
In a race against time.
To have the life I want,
I need to clear you from my mind.
You hold me in this vulnerable place so tight.
Your grip is painful.
It has honestly left me with a broken heart that might not be repairable.
They say in your late age,
That it is possible to die from a broken heart.
If only you could know how this is making me feel inside.
How its torn me apart.
It makes it so hard to simply breathe.
Its the worst pain I've ever felt.
And none of it can be relieved.
Or fuse my chest that has been cracked in half.
Maybe I need your love so badly because I never got it from my dad.
God only knows why you were brought into my life.
Or why you are still here.
Not knowing leaves me with this intense fear.
Am I not seeing what he is trying to show me.
Am I passing on something that is meant to be.
If it was in fact, meant to be,
Why is it so hard.
I don't know what to believe.
I have never felt more crazy.
Delusional.
Confused and abused.
Its becoming unbearable.
I try to let it go.
Because you don't make me feel good.
You make me feel terrible.
Bringing out a side of myself that only you are capable of doing.
Your like fly paper.
Completely consuming.
The heart ache is draining.
Because there's no answers.
There's no peace.
I don't want to love you forever.
I want to for once, Feel at ease.
I wore my heart on my sleeve.
You took it and locked away the key.
I feel like I'm lost in the woods at night.
Its really scary.
And makes me want to cry.
I cant control it anymore and I realize that now.
I have to find a way to move on.
Some how.
Unprecipitated love is the worst kind of love.
Its the most painful thing I have ever felt.
You have to go through it all by yourself.
There is nobody that can help.
In another life,
Maybe for once the timing will be right.
Until then,
This is the final note.
The last goodbye.
Wow Lia!! Reading your stuff makes me feel like we're living parallel lives. If you could only know relatable this is to me and my life, especially lately. I know you write this for a therapeutic release for yourself but you are helping me get through unexplainable emotions. It takes a lot to pour your heart for the world to see, it shows your courage.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tiffany! I appreciate you reading them in the first place but to know you relate, makes sharing all of this worth it. It's really uncomfortable simetimes. But I do it to show people we are all the same. Just people. Trying to survive and learning for hard lessons along the way. Thank you so much again. :)
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