Difference's 9/13

Why is it when you go out of your way.
To make others happy because it makes you feel so good,
That those same people,
Are no where to be found when they should.
When you need them the most.
I feel like escaping this place.
Disappearing to the coast.
The only place I never feel the pain.
The one place where I don't feel like talking or moving whatsoever.
Its degrading when people lie to you.
Like you're too stupid to see through.
See through the bullshit.
Right down to the very existence of the problem.
Selfishness.
It's painful when you suddenly realize,
How unimportant you are in the lives of people who matter most.
Excruciating in fact.
I don't even talk to my own dad.
Its so sad.
When you give, and give, and give,
You eventually become tired.
So then you no longer bother.
But why is it,
That even while being exhausted,
I still try.
Not only do I try.
I want to.
I need to.
The thought not to,
Makes me want to cry.
Makes me want to die.
Without them what is the point of life?
My roots, Is why my heart is always in the dark.
Sometimes I wonder if its worth it.
If I should let go, Move on, And try to forget.
With that my heart shatters.
Like fragile glass.
Before I even have a chance to try,
I'm picking up these pieces while I cry.
Back to the beginning of the frustration.
The humiliation.
That you work so hard for people who don't care.
Actions speak louder than words and its not fair.
Its not fair that my heart doesn't matter.
It never has.
Second youngest to the last.
Four in total.
The only people on earth who can make this emotional.
The only people I need.
My family.
Like food.
I need to eat to survive.
I feel like I'm starving to death.
The slowest death you could ever imagine.
And the worst part?
Is that It's happened again.
The youngest should have had it easiest.
Instead it was the hardest.
Nothing was learned and still never is.
Its always the same and it makes me sick.
What does it take.
I'm about to break.
I want to scream until I no longer have a voice.
I made the choice.
To try until I take my last breath.
Until my death.
You want to know why?
Because these same people chose to procreate.
And for children I would do anything.
Alleviate the pain.
That's the difference between selflessness and selfishness.
That's the difference between receiving and giving.
That's the difference between giving up and believing.
With or without your half assed love.
Watch me rise above.
Rise above it all.
Get up after every fall.
These roots are growing the largest tree.
With hundreds of branches.
Each on representing chances.
Each time one snaps and breaks,
It just grows back.
So even with everything you lack,
I'll always unknowingly to you,
Be here to have your back.
Be there even if you don't care.
Sounds conceded right?
The way I'm speaking.
Perceive it as you will.
But the sad part is that Its all true.
I'm glad I finally had a way to tell you.