Hatred is terrifying.
Anger is hurt.
People do bad things.
Sometimes deliberately on purpose.
From a rage inside that's been growing.
Its a temperature rising.
With an assault riffle in hand.
Bullets start blazing.
With a hockey mask hiding his face.
Entering a building with one thought in mind.
Kill as many as possible and never look behind.
In moments like these,
People often question.
Come up with their own hypotheses.
Maybe this person is sick in their head.
Maybe their heart is too heavy with dread.
Some just want them dead.
They live with a feeling everyday of being better off dead.
It's hard for me to admit,
I actually can understand this nonsense.
Ive walked in those terrifying shoes.
Wanting revenge on the world,
And its people for what they do to you.
We all may have been born equal.
But that's not how all are treated.
Treated evil.
Some don't mind bullies.
Because its not their kid.
Some don't notice the screaming they hear,
From the little girl down the street being abused and hit.
Some don't notice simply you.
As a person.
A human being with a soul.
With feelings in tact.
Some weren't raised with tools to cope.
There is no normal function.
No typical reaction.
With too much time to think because of being isolated.
Maybe born with a mutation.
Maybe even a beautiful face.
But something that makes them different.
Sour faces are a strong as peppermint.
They start feeling an overwhelming feeling of resentment.
Not just for those they feel have hurt them.
For everyone.
Leaving them in the condemned.
Leading them to their own death.
Laughing and pointing.
Instead of actually knowing.
Or helping.
The entire world starts becoming annoying.
You begin to be forced to live in a world where you don't want to be.
No matter where you turn,
Theres never a release.
Nobody.
Have you ever lived everyday feeling like you're suffocating.
Have you ever looked at another without judgement.
At someone who is different,
But with appreciation?
Probably not.
That's what in my opinion people do bad things to others.
They don't for one second see that they are suffering.
The pain deep within their own eyes.
You don't even notice them as you're walking by.
Keeping your head down.
Looking at your phone.
The ground.
We don't live in this world alone.
Many seem to forget that.
Clearly when the cry is so violent,
They are seeking attention.
Failed by family.
Failed by friends.
Failed by society.
Why would you want to live.
Your only goal is reaching the end.
The end to this horrible fight inside.
So you make the choice that you would rather die.
But then comes anger.
Even for complete strangers.
Feeling as though you shouldn't have had to live this life.
The resentment towards others make you so angry inside.
You want the whole world to die.
To feel the pain that you never wanted.
Having no idea why out of all,
You were chosen to be the haunted.
But haunted by what?
Or maybe that its just you were born with no luck.
A sitting suck.
People cant understand because they either choose not to,
Or they could never understand,
Because that kind of daily pain is something they have never gone through.
Ignorance is not always bliss.
When something so horrible is the outcome of this.
Theres people dying inside everyday that we miss.
That's why its so important to extend a hand.
Approach a stranger.
To give love.
Try to be a loyal friend.
Some people are sadly born into lives where there just is no love.
Without receiving, there is no chance of giving.
No dreams, So there's no believing.
Believing in a better life.
That there actually is a choice.
That you don't have to live in that dark place.
That its ok to use your voice.
I was this troubled kid.
The difference:
I would never think i have a say in who dies and who lives.
I'm thankful I found a few of those hands.
People who do truly love me.
Best friends.
Remember not all are as lucky as we are.
Spending every night,
Peering through a telescope.
Just wishing on stars.
Having little hope.
For a better life.
The struggle is endless.
As they load their riffle.
Desperate for an early end.
They have nothing to lose.
They feel there is no love.
No family.
No friends.
I can only imagine what was going through his head.
Even in the end,
He is left with nothing.
Or nobody.
Hated.
Still.
That's why no matter how desperate,
You don't change Gods will.
No matter how hard it is.
You find a way to fight everyday.
Find courage.
To find the will to live.
Find faith.
In this end,
You might die, Still feeling this way.
But the point is,
By doing such horrific things,
You're left stuck in the middle.
In purgatory.
Going through purification.
You don't win either way.
You have to go so deep inside you're own heart.
Even while searching through the pitch black of the dark.
There seems to be not enough light,
To help you find what you need to end the fight.
I truly believe if you want something bad enough you will find a way.
A solution.
Always.
Find what you need to solve your own problems.
Stop blaming "them".
You can create your own destiny.
You are the only person who can make you happy.
Spend as many days you can laughing.
Keep moving at all costs.
Even if you're crawling.
Believe that there are people who actually do care.
When it comes to life,
Play truth or dare.
Answers to your questions are everywhere.
Instead of focusing on others,
Don't wait for them to care,
Don't worry about your attire.
Your crooked teeth.
Or the length of your hair.
Worry soley about your heart.
Make your best effort to pull it apart.
And then leave it open.
You'd be surprised what is allowed in.
Causing you to grow tremendously.
Personally.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Mentally.
Sometimes as much as you'd like,
You cant save everybody.
Love is locked by hatred.
Understanding is the key.
* There is nothing wrong with professional help. It saved my life.
I don't in anyway agree or support any actions of violence.
Don't be afraid to believe you are worth happiness, love, and living a beautiful life.
Get help if you need it and don't ever be afraid to ask or reach out to someone.
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