Chaos - 7/30/12

I'm learning that as you grow.
Sometimes you are left alone.
From letting people go.
Whatever the reason.
It saddens me.
That trust is such a gift lately.
At times It's hard to know what you should believe.
Blind faith is scary.
So is being lonely.
The darkness brings out the monsters.
The pitch black makes you over react.
Try to stay sane.
Keep it all together.
Keep it all in tact.
Staying strong when you're walking through the pitch black.
Not letting your mind take over.
Leaving you vulnerable.
An easier target to take down.
Praying on fears.
Literally just a piece of meat now.
Not the best piece of meat because you've been feed the wrong things.
A feeling of being hallow.
But living in the body of a human being.
I feel like my brain and my body are constantly doing different things.
Never In sync.
Always sitting right on the brink.
The brink of disaster.
Running from flood waters.
With so much time to think.
You start to sink.
Fast.
Nothing to pull you up because nothing has lasted.
Everything changes at such a rapid pace.
Why am I so different.
Or see life so differently.
Maybe I really am crazy.
Might as well be locked within white walls.
It wouldn't stop the falling.
Maybe it would give me time to catch my breath.
Or time to work on being my very best.
But best for who.
For me. Or for you.
Everyone always tells you to not let others thought be what creates you.
But is there really another way.
Because at the end of the day.
When you go against the grain.
People look at you like you're a psycho.
Like they don't know what's going wrong with your brain.
Why can you only think of negativity.
Well, maybe because that is the only thing that has ever surrounded me.
It's what tries drowning me.
Blowing out my knee's.
Constantly on a different level.
It's like punishment that's mid evil.
A silent suffer is the absolutely worse kind.
When you have to hide it.
Keep it all inside.
You have a life.
A family.
You have no time.
So for now.
I will stand here in this chaos.
And just wait for it to quiet down.