Prevention Pens 2/15

Here I am,
Sitting alone.
Although I don't feel alone.
The weight of the world is currently resting on my shoulders.
Or in my heart is more like it.
The heaviest boulders.
Gigantic rocks.
Giving my blood flow clots.
Blocking essential nutrients that my brain needs,
To properly function.
So I blast these pointless thoughts all over the world.
From one piece of paper.
One pen.
From one girl,
Who just cant seem to pretend.
On a rampage for reasons I seem to be unaware of.
Convinced I have all the answers,
But in reality,
I'm sick.
Like I'm living with an invisible cancer.
Slowly wasting away.
Everyday.
While preaching like what I have to say,
Can save me.
Not only you.
But me too.
I hope you know that,
When you find yourself feeling vulnerable or offended.
I don't know where exactly they come from.
All I know is that someone desperately wants me to tell you them.
I relate them to myself,
Because this is my body.
My mind.
I relate them to you,
Because maybe we are related.
A stranger.
Or just friend.
Either way,
The only thing I can say,
Is that we should listen.
I'm not sure why in all honesty.
Just another feeling.
Maybe I really am crazy.
That's hard for me to accept.
When it's all over,
I go back to feeling like the rest of them.
Depends on the moment I suppose.
Energy is everything.
Science.
Theories.
Imagination.
Exhausting the brain.
These messages are everything to me too.
I read them again and again.
Each time it's like I've never heard it before.
Like I have somehow forgotten.
But how do you forget something so extremely deep?
These words are the keys.
To all of these locks.
They are my bulldozer.
To remove these heavy rocks.
When I feel like I'm going to snap,
I grab a pen.
Because I know it wont be too long,
Before these words pour out.
Like they are lyrics to a song.
I go searching through the hundreds of them,
Even from my childhood.
I must say it's a little intense.
The older I get,
The longer they become.
At times I feel like I don't ever want to stop.
Times like right now.
But then society,
And this world on my shoulders,
Starts creeping in.
A flood of emotions that aren't mine.
From the masses begins to happen.
It interferes with my own thoughts.
Starts distracting me.
I think of your thoughts.
Feeling your feelings.
Like I'm psychic.
And it makes me want to stop.
But there is still a force inside that tells me not to.
So here I sit,
Talking to empty pages.
That feel like my very best friends.
Hoping to find things that I'm lacking,
Missing,
Or wishing for.
Just like you.
We aren't all that different.
No matter what religion.
Or what color your skin is.
Your sexual preference.
All of it really doesn't matter.
And if it does to some,
Love them even harder.
The evidence is overwhelming.
That people are so massively broken.
Bound by invisible chains.
Just the opposite of,
"On earth, as it is in heaven."
Living in hell.
Beneath the invisible dirt.
But you see them on top of the surface.
Silent screams that are so loud.
The only ones who can hear you are the crazy ones.
The people who others make fun of.
Maybe they are actually the "gifted."
Given more than 20/20 vision.
Given visions they cant explain.
So they are left to hide them.
Or try to describe them.
Live and deal with the intense criticism if you speak of it.
The hate.
From the judgmental ones.
Who just cant seem to wrap their brain around any of it.
Or to even try to make an effort to understand.
They cant accept.
Anything.
Living with their very own boulders.
Be aware of this.
And love them anyway.
Because even the strong wont want to admit it.
As I sit here and write that,
I feel them from the other side.
All around me.
Especially behind me.
Peering over my shoulder.
Writing these words with me.
Must be a fact.
I cant get them out fast enough.
Even through the mis - spellings.
I just keep moving.
I cant stop.
Until all of this does.
I have a feeling though that it wont.
Because these words are my purpose.
Maybe yours too.
So thank you for reading them.
We're sitting here together.
Even the ones invisible to the naked eye.
The ones that feel just as desperate as you.
Just as lost.
Scared.
They have yet too,
To see the other side.
Have faith.
I have a feeling that is overwhelming,
That we are ALL going to be alright.
With unconditional love,
You have nothing to be afraid of.