Do You Know Why You're Here? 2/15

Most people get a lifetime of treatment that they don't deserve.

Loving people so purely and unconditionally,
That its actually hurting.
Souls traveling.
Colliding for good reasons.
To teach each other.
One broken.
Or both.
It doesn't make a difference.
You'll walk away hurting or learning something.
Either way, it's worth it.
You see,
Because if you're not hurting.
You're not learning.
The most painful moments in life,
Help humans grow.
Even an injured, bloody animal,
Lying in the white snow.
With a will to live,
You will.
But here' where there become problems for some.
We go off on these individual journeys ,
Looking for our missing pieces.
Occasionally running into things, or people,
There were never written into your plan for the beginning.
Making us become lost.
In our own lives and in our own heart's.
Sometimes it's caused by another heart.
Or it's a substance of some sort.
Maybe driven to that substance,
Because of a baby you never wanted to abort.
Or because nobody ever cared about your heart.
Your father never saying goodbye before departing.
Maybe because you cant look at your own reflection,
Without being flooded with ugly emotions.
Nobody knows everyone's reasons.
The most important part,
Is to remember lost souls walking through the dark.
To remember that we are not alone.
There's an intelligence of some kind coming from the unknown.
To artistic people who are expressing our history and our future.
By not being afraid of the unknown,
And not being afraid of the pain.
Taking it and turning it into something beautiful.
That's what this life is about.
Yours and mine.
Its about evolving.
And growing.
Becoming more than what you think you are,
Every time you come back down from the stars.
It's about loving.
Above all else.
Remember those words.
Love. Love. Love.
It's all that matters.
It's how we fix the karmic order.
Fixing what we have destroyed.
Again and again.
Lifetime after lifetime.
The idea of life...
Is to learn.
Why else would we be here?
I feel sorry for you if you don't believe in the other side.
Trust people like me.
Who never expected to have literal whispers in my ear.
Terrifying me to my core.
Because people like you,
Say that it's imaginary.
Impossible.
I'm here to tell you that it's not.
That we in fact, do have a God.
I do believe there is more than one.
There's also other people,
Who are equally as important.
We all are.
This experiment,
Was, is, and will always be about free will.
Why you ask?
I have no clue.
But I know that it's why we are here.
So it leads to these billions of questions,
That I desperately try to answer.
And then explain to you,
With these words, these prayers, these pens.
Why?
Again,
I couldn't tell you.
Just another whisper communicating,
The importance of you knowing.
I put my own reputation on the line because it's that strong.
I'm likely "crazy" to this entire world.
But what's strange,
Is that it doesn't really matter.
I feel there is a purpose.
I don't care to discuss it.
I'm enticed too.
By something invisible.
Here I sit.
Alone.
But never alone.
These words remind me that this is not my home.
I'm here to learn.
One day,
On my way back,
I hope to be sent back again.
Because the amount of energy swirling inside of me,
Makes me realize I can never accomplish it all in one lifetime.
When I was a little girl,
It was all so confusing.
The older I get,
The more my mind is expanding.
The more I let go of the fear of what I truly am,
The more that I accept,
I am more than this body and mind.
Faces from the other side.
That are unrecognizable until we arrive.
Maybe relatives.
Friends.
There is even butterflies.
An abundance of loved ones.
I'm convinced,
Some of the deeply painful problems we have in our lives,
Is simply because you don't remember each other from your past lifetimes.
Your faces are different.
And so are you names.
But your souls are still the same.
Feeling that strange connection you just cant explain.
No matter how many years you stay frozen, trying.
It will never happen.
Not until you see them again,
After you die.
Reincarnation happens for two reasons.
You either want to come back to do good,
Or because you need to work on fixing your very own karmic order.
That's why this world is literally split in two.
I use to think I could change it.
Now I don't want to.
Because today I understand,
That it's suppose to be this way.
And if you truly love someone at the end of the day,
Never take away their free will.
Their room to grow.
When you stop growing,
Be brave enough to let each other go.
If you don't, or can't,
That's not love at all.
Those things are exactly what give love a bad name,
After all.
No matter how scared you are;
You're never alone.
Everything is going to be alright.
Find the light.
You'll find the love.
Everything you thought that mattered,
Disappears when you begin to float up above.
 

If Only We Are Brave 2/15

I don't want to be alone.
I don't think anyone does.
Regardless of the hate this world speaks of.
Especially when it comes to love.
We twist and torture Its true purpose.
We make it about us.
Us as individuals.
When Its purpose is so much more than that.
In fact,
Selfishness ruins most things.
As human beings,
We don't allow ourselves to be human.
Just following expectations and traditions.
No matter how wrong they are.
Or no matter how much our hearts,
Scream that these things are not what we need,
We inevitably listen.
Blindly following what feels comfortable.
Because of our abusive existence.
Even if It's not what you were born for.
Why don't we see perfect as a defect?
It should be.
Because it doesn't exist.
Our time on this planet is so precious.
Whats atrocious,
Is that we blame it all on whoever is our current president.
Where is the responsibility in it?
To not only ourselves,
But to our children.
Our planet.
The only we home that we have.
We blame thieves,
Murderers,
Cheating spouses,
Without asking why they cheated.
Murdered.
Or what caught stealing.
What are they missing?
Why are they hurting?
Answers will make it all stop.
Saving hurting people,
From hurting more people.
We just keep pushing along.
Never stopping.
To learn.
To pray.
To create.
To build.
To love.
To understand.
To travel.
To heal.
To feel the grass beneath your feet,
Or walk barefoot on gravel.
The stink from it.
I hear lately how people are awakening.
I can't tell you how much I pray for that everyday.
Because with the corruption and neglect in our world today,
The only way we will succeed together as a society,
Is the with effort made to create a massive social movement.
A movement for so much more than a corrupt and injustice system.
Lets start over.
Fix the karmic order.
And go back to the beginning.
Lets give the lands back to the Native American Indians.
Go back to when we traded.
When we cared.
When we appreciated.
When we loved our sisters and brothers.
When we looked to the stars,
Our Gods,
Ancestors,
History,
For answers.
Guidance.
A helping hand.
Don't you get it yet?
Even if "it" doesn't exist,
It does.
Just like time.
Or this planet spinning.
It's happening without you even realizing it.
That's why awakening is so important.
Don't wait until It's too late.
Start today.
Learn your neighbors name.
Ask them for a cup of sugar,
For old times sake.
Treat each other like we are a part of tribe.
A part of something incredibly special.
Because we are.
When a life is lost,
The sadness because of it,
Is massively intense.
You want to turn back time desperately.
Remember that each day upon awakening.
Because we can.
And those loved ones you lost,
Are still watching.
Proud or disappointed,
Doesn't change with your body being buried or cremated.
After It's gone and dissipated.
Souls remain.
Ask anyone who knows me deeply.
I know this for fact.
Because they choose to communicate with me.
Allowing me to see something many others don't.
I used to hide it.
Now I wont.
I'm crazy.
I'm a freak.
I'm annoying.
I'm privileged.
I'm hot.
I'm whatever you want me to be.
Your opinions are irrelevant to my being.
To my existence here.
Light bulbs pop.
Phone calls are dropped.
Pennies everywhere.
Whispers in my ear.
Gently pulling on my hair.
Visions of things I cant understand.
Horrible at times.
I question them.
Deciphering them.
Making sure I'm not an awful human being,
For those thoughts that just happened.
The craziest worlds,
Ly in my dreams.
Dying repeatedly,
Only to come back.
Like I'm a cat with nine lives.
Mystically black.
Black as the night.
But with perfect eye sight.
I don't know what is happening.
But all I know Is that I have to write about them.
This is my meditation.
My zen.
Like I'm straight out of Bethlehem.
Desperately trying to find my way home.
I feel others are too.
Some may look at it all and say oh boohoo.
But that is the problem.
Don't deny that you're hurting occasionally too.
Trying to hide it with cage fights, footballs, women, and hunting caribou.
Releasing your own frustrations on innocent animals.
That makes you mad, doesn't it?
That I just said that.
But here we go again,
With America's "default" setting.
Me, me, me.
I, I, I,
Do as I do,
Like what I like,
Or I want you to die.
Maybe not literally,
But emotionally.
I'll hate you for not being like me.
Now we can be friends right?
Because I'm just like you?
Because I'm doing what you want me to do?
When It's not beneficial,
The masses withdrew.
Every soul and heart has grown apart.
Look around you.
7 billion people.
And you think It's about you?
I know.
I do it sometimes too.
Can we all just stop.
For even a day.
And put what is right before dollar bills?
Or what this sick society says?
Having picnics with complete strangers.
Meeting their entire family.
Just to hear their story.
Buying a coat in the winter.
And handing it to a cold, homeless gentleman.
Spending the day at a hospital.
With cancer patients.
Along with your perfectly healthy child.
Volunteering.
Going home and non stop bawling.
Realizing you are so incredibly lucky.
For the smallest,
But most meaningful things.
We didn't come in alone.
Most were born,
Thanks to an entire team.
Even in that first moment,
When you take your first breath of oxygen.
So many hands play a role.
They take care of you and your courageous mother.
It makes me emotional too.
I would love nothing more than to live in such a beautiful world too.
It's time that we act like we are thankful.
Before you know it,
Life changes.
It's never the same.
In each second so many people die.
Just because you might live an amazing life,
Or haven't experienced the pain of losing so many loved ones,
Lived through the kind of pain,
Where you didn't know if you would ever find yourself again,
When you honestly felt like you were dying,
So please,
Don't forget about the rest of them.
This world,
And us people,
Are not perfect.
But we are worth it.
Seeing is believing.
And believing is brave.
Be brave.
Be there for each other.
Love a stranger.
It's never too late.
Fate and free will go hand in hand.
Stop living like those hands are bound.
March across the grounds.
A happiness we could never imagine exist somewhere out there.
Come with me.
Lets set out on a journey.
Lets find it.
Finally peacefully living in it.
Existing,
Is something entirely different.
Today is the day,
That my own life is forever changed.

This Floor 10/14

Birds chirping.
Wind blowing.
Mind racing.
Thoughts penetrating.
Deep into my heart and soul.
Ripping me apart until I'm lying all over this floor.
Reaching for the door.
Any door.
But instead,
I just lay on this floor.
With nothing to console.
Nothing to heal what's broken.
No medicine.
Just massive pain.
Searching desperately for things to accumulate.
To make me feel complete.
But even religion has yet to bring me release.
I'm lost and in desperate need.
Of a road sign.
A mile post.
A familiar face.
That I thought I needed most.
But that's in fact why I am lost.
Your face is distracting
I'm starting to panic.
I'm over reacting.
Like I should.
Because this is my life,
And I'm not even in control.
My heart lives somewhere else.
I'm constantly chasing it.
Trying to steal it back.
Like I'm playing a game of capture the flag.
I scream for release.
I pray for answers.
I passionately write about these experience's,
Because I know, you know.
You can feel it.
Some of you too,
Are living this.
Looking for luck like I'm gazing on stars.
That are light years away.
So far.
I'm running out of words to say in this moment.
Its hard to feel hopeful.
I just want to explode.
I then think about my little girl.
This fight is worth every second,
If I can teach her even one of these lessons.
My best friend.
And she's only 4 years old.
Incapable of selfishness or hatred.
Incapable of not loving you until its too late.
It was unconditional from the beginning.
My knees are aching.
My heart is beyond the point of breaking.
Its shattered all over this floor that I'm lying on.
Listening to music.
To bring some sort of comfort.
A boat in this raging storm.
A place to stay dry.
A place to wipe the tears from my own eyes.
Just how it has always been.
Before my daughter,
I was my best friend.
Spending far too much time alone.
More than some grown adults.
When I was a child.
Developing.
Developing into this broken person who fights everyday.
For the life that she knows she deserves.
She fights for a reason.
No matter how hard it is on bad days,
I will always tell myself I cannot return.
Its not an option.
Its never too late.
Get up.
And refuse to be broken.
Let life take you to places that force you to grow.
Let the pain out.
Let it show.
Be proud of it.
Because of it,
Your knowledge has tripled.
So as strange as it may be,
Be grateful for it.
All of it.
Especially the pain.
Without it,
Life and you,
Would never be the same.
There would be no incentive.
To live to the fullest.
Every single day.
Living like you are running out of them.

Prevention Pens 2/15

Here I am,
Sitting alone.
Although I don't feel alone.
The weight of the world is currently resting on my shoulders.
Or in my heart is more like it.
The heaviest boulders.
Gigantic rocks.
Giving my blood flow clots.
Blocking essential nutrients that my brain needs,
To properly function.
So I blast these pointless thoughts all over the world.
From one piece of paper.
One pen.
From one girl,
Who just cant seem to pretend.
On a rampage for reasons I seem to be unaware of.
Convinced I have all the answers,
But in reality,
I'm sick.
Like I'm living with an invisible cancer.
Slowly wasting away.
Everyday.
While preaching like what I have to say,
Can save me.
Not only you.
But me too.
I hope you know that,
When you find yourself feeling vulnerable or offended.
I don't know where exactly they come from.
All I know is that someone desperately wants me to tell you them.
I relate them to myself,
Because this is my body.
My mind.
I relate them to you,
Because maybe we are related.
A stranger.
Or just friend.
Either way,
The only thing I can say,
Is that we should listen.
I'm not sure why in all honesty.
Just another feeling.
Maybe I really am crazy.
That's hard for me to accept.
When it's all over,
I go back to feeling like the rest of them.
Depends on the moment I suppose.
Energy is everything.
Science.
Theories.
Imagination.
Exhausting the brain.
These messages are everything to me too.
I read them again and again.
Each time it's like I've never heard it before.
Like I have somehow forgotten.
But how do you forget something so extremely deep?
These words are the keys.
To all of these locks.
They are my bulldozer.
To remove these heavy rocks.
When I feel like I'm going to snap,
I grab a pen.
Because I know it wont be too long,
Before these words pour out.
Like they are lyrics to a song.
I go searching through the hundreds of them,
Even from my childhood.
I must say it's a little intense.
The older I get,
The longer they become.
At times I feel like I don't ever want to stop.
Times like right now.
But then society,
And this world on my shoulders,
Starts creeping in.
A flood of emotions that aren't mine.
From the masses begins to happen.
It interferes with my own thoughts.
Starts distracting me.
I think of your thoughts.
Feeling your feelings.
Like I'm psychic.
And it makes me want to stop.
But there is still a force inside that tells me not to.
So here I sit,
Talking to empty pages.
That feel like my very best friends.
Hoping to find things that I'm lacking,
Missing,
Or wishing for.
Just like you.
We aren't all that different.
No matter what religion.
Or what color your skin is.
Your sexual preference.
All of it really doesn't matter.
And if it does to some,
Love them even harder.
The evidence is overwhelming.
That people are so massively broken.
Bound by invisible chains.
Just the opposite of,
"On earth, as it is in heaven."
Living in hell.
Beneath the invisible dirt.
But you see them on top of the surface.
Silent screams that are so loud.
The only ones who can hear you are the crazy ones.
The people who others make fun of.
Maybe they are actually the "gifted."
Given more than 20/20 vision.
Given visions they cant explain.
So they are left to hide them.
Or try to describe them.
Live and deal with the intense criticism if you speak of it.
The hate.
From the judgmental ones.
Who just cant seem to wrap their brain around any of it.
Or to even try to make an effort to understand.
They cant accept.
Anything.
Living with their very own boulders.
Be aware of this.
And love them anyway.
Because even the strong wont want to admit it.
As I sit here and write that,
I feel them from the other side.
All around me.
Especially behind me.
Peering over my shoulder.
Writing these words with me.
Must be a fact.
I cant get them out fast enough.
Even through the mis - spellings.
I just keep moving.
I cant stop.
Until all of this does.
I have a feeling though that it wont.
Because these words are my purpose.
Maybe yours too.
So thank you for reading them.
We're sitting here together.
Even the ones invisible to the naked eye.
The ones that feel just as desperate as you.
Just as lost.
Scared.
They have yet too,
To see the other side.
Have faith.
I have a feeling that is overwhelming,
That we are ALL going to be alright.
With unconditional love,
You have nothing to be afraid of.