Broken Knees 6/14

Peering through this kaleidoscope.
These colors where like my antidote.
To heal a heart that was completely broken.
Unable to love herself.
Unable to stare at a reflection.
A girl who lived with only one intention.
To die.
God heard my cries.
And he sent an angel to walk right by my side.
So many things rush through my mind when I look into her eyes.
I cant help but to smile.
That's where the light came on.
I realized he did this purposely all along.
As a way to keep me here on earth.
So that I wouldn't make myself return.
He replaced every doubt with love.
And I'm sure that's no coincidence.
To me,
It makes perfect sense.
He couldn't handle me arriving at the wrong gates.
So he stepped in and changed my fate.
Its never too early.
Nor too late.
It happens when its meant to.
Whether you are a teenager or forty two.
This gift,
That has just been given to you,
Is a sheer test to what you are about to be put through.
Before they even arrive,
They change your entire lives.
Having to make decisions that are so important.
Its a matter of life and death for this embryo or infant.
And in that moment,
God is watching you with amazement.
Looking at his child like a trophy he is proud of.
You cant even see it.
You can only feel the love.
The love that engulfs maternity wards like its a raging fire.
Even in the silence,
Walking the halls with pain that was immense,
I could sense it.
Despite it being crazy and painful,
The minute we stand up from that wheelchair,
And look down at this perfect being with perfect hair,
We cannot take our eyes off of them.
You can only smile and stare.
Off you go to create a fairytale.
Thinking back on all of this,
Gave me answers that I had missed.
I thought it was punishment.
I had it all wrong.
So horribly wrong.
He had to wake me with a symphony of songs.
That roared all night long.
He pushed me to a ledge and said,
Fall or fly.
Its your choice if you want to die.
But I'm still right here.
In front of your eyes.
Offering you the love you've searched for your entire life.
He looks into my own bluish green eyes with his.
Its like he knew it would always come to this.
It was like he had prepared for it.
Leaving me a trial of cookie crumbs.
To love and absolute freedom.
No matter what in life happens.
He created me with massive strength.
And drug me away from the devil.
He made me a child solider.
He in fact,
Put the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Like it was in training.
Because he knew one day I would be speaking.
And teaching.
Of what he showed me when peering through that kaleidoscope.
The colors that blinded.
The emotions that changed my mind.
Somewhere deep inside,
I knew I would never be left behind.
But I was dead wrong again.
Because the security I craved,
Lead me down paths that almost took me to my grave.
I guess that's the entire point.
Free will isn't free.
The pain at times will literally break your knees.
Leaving you unable to walk for a time being.
Until you recover.
You get up,
To do it all over again.
This is where there becomes problems for some.
Some like me.
Because you're not listening.
Not listening to the teachers.
So when the time comes for a pop quiz,
You're lost without any knowledge.
Destined to fail.
Because you were too busy with show and tell.
Here in this school,
There is no room for failure.
It's essential you are present for graduation.
It has nothing to do with your money or your career.
Your colleges or your future.
It has to do with purgatory.
Do you want to exist here forever?
Trapped in a different dimension.
A different stratosphere.
Not one filled with stars.
One that is full of rage, fear, and anger.
That's why we cant let in stranger's.
Because love is the only answer.
And until you find him,
You wont find it.
We search for it in each other.
Our husbands, Sisters, brothers, wives, or mothers.
Or even within ourselves.
Frustrated when you cannot find it.
You too,
Become blinded.
But not by colors.
By darkness.
You struggle to tear off this harness.
Feeling chlaustrophobic.
You cant even breathe.
You start panicking.
Weeping and begging for a release.
And if you could just be quiet for a moment,
You'll hear a soft voice speaking.
Whispering.
Saying there is nothing you could ever do,
To make me not love you.
You're beautiful.
I am your father.
And you are my child.
Feeling startled,
You turn around in a panic.
Only to realize you are still sitting in your own silence.
Still feeling hopeless.
You begin to speak.
Wishing there was someone there listening.
Within that moment,
You don't even realize you've just taken your first step,
Towards a magical kind of happiness.
When you find yourself in a mess,
With no mop,
Talk to God.
He's been waiting too long....

Dreams 6/14

Lately,
The only place I want to be is in a fantasy.
Anywhere but reality.
It's unbearably harsh at times.
It's like you have to get away occasionally,
To get your mind right.
But in these days we live in,
Most cant even afford a vacation.
Us adults have a problem with not using our imaginations.
Its like once you pass a certain age as a child,
Life becomes about miles.
And money.
Sadly.
Because life can be so much more.
Like revolving doors.
Giving you an opportunity to walk down so many floors.
To experience things that money could never give you.
The only thing most girls my age seem to care about,
Is the day they say, "I do".
With a beautiful dress.
And a gorgeous ring.
The woman who has everything.
That was ironically,
One dream I never had even as a child.
I knew there was much more than one person could offer you.
I knew that there was no rush to get to that alter.
In fact, I may never make it.
Despite what society says,
I'm ok with that.
My daughter who was born out of wedlock,
Still has her dad.
Sins are there for you to repent.
For you to be forgiven.
I don't know how many other ways he must show us,
That we are loved.
And if we are existing,
He wants us to keep living.
To keep loving.
To keep breathing.
I only live for one person.
I feel like I'm on a mission.
Here for a reason.
So I'm bulldozing my way through.
Still looking out for you.
And you and you.
Exhausting myself and saying fuck freedom.
What good is it if you don't use it.
There's people right now,
Living in sheds, huts,
With dirt floors.
Water the same color as these floors,
Making dollars a day in sweat shops,
Making un needed items for us Americans.
There are no scattered colorful children's toys.
Those little girls and boys,
Even adults,
No doubt dream.
Of a better life.
A better world.
Is that what it comes down to?
Americans should be stripped naked and given the bare essentials.
I'll give it 2.5 seconds before there is massive corruption and violence.
The constitution being thrown around.
Shouting you cant control my life!
I have rights!
Storming inside.
Loading your automatic weapons.
Your rifles.
But before walking out that door,
Can I ask you a favor?
Ask yourself what you are fighting for.
So you can go to work from 9-5.
To come and eat entirely way too much food.
To sit down for a few moments,
Watching your favorite television shows.
To kiss your children,
After they get into their pajamas.
Talk with your partner about how your day went.
Looking at the clock,
Realizing you've run out of time.
Its off to bed.
To wake up at 6 A.M.
To do it all over again.
If you're a privileged one.
Don't get me wrong,
We all work hard,
You'll be lucky enough to afford a vacation.
If we are going to be such greedy,
Hostile Americans,
Could we at least make it worth while?
Do something good with these money piles.
Investing it into the world and into its people.
Teaching them to care and give back.
Whenever they can.
Whenever its needed.
Instead of lying.
Cheating,
Raping,
To own land.
That wasn't even yours.
We actually still celebrate it.
Is it that important?
To be in command.
To be in control.
To bring down an entire nation.
The entire world.
I hope one day our governments will start to listen.
To have some compassion.
To care more about human life and life in every form.
Not just a newborn human.
If having a false sense of freedom,
Comes down to war,
Soldiers, so much corruption and violence,
There comes a point,
Where you have to ask yourself as a citizen,
A decent human,
What is worth it?
How do you want to spend your time.
And if it should come down to,
"If you can afford it."
In my opinion,
That's a sad life to live.
When we could change the world,
And make dreams come true.
For people like Maya Angelou.
Martin Luther King Jr.
John F. Kennedy.
The Dalhi Lama.
President Lincoln.
People who dared to put others before themselves.
Dared to actually love and dream.
Where people like that have gone is a mystery.
I feel for children today.
I couldn't imagine this place is where I was raised.
Parents don't get to even raise or watch their own children grow.
Society immediately in most cases,
Takes control.
You cant even be there,
Because you're trying to keep food on your table that is bare.
We are consuming too much.
In every sense.
We are deliberately robbing our resources.
We live and don't think about consequences.
As an entire nation,
I think its time we stop moving for just a second.
And have a moment of silence.
For ourselves.
Allow yourself to remember who you really are inside.
Why and what you live for.
If it's even worth it.
And if its not,
Just remember these revolving doors.
They are everywhere.
Find one and let your journey begin.
You are not an animal.
Nor a robot.
You are not caged in.
Allow your silence to ask yourself if you would like to be reprogrammed.
Dare to dream big.
Dare to think the impossible,
Is achievable.
With effort from an entire nation,
We could actually give these forgotten children a chance.
We could give them something to be proud of.
We could teach them to care.
Just by being there.
The cure to everything is love.
And before laughing at that thought,
Look deep down inside.
You know its not a lie.
And with nobody watching,
You'll suddenly find yourself no longer laughing.
We are our revolution.
We are our only solution.