Best Friends Came To A Quick End 11/13

The thoughts that people keep inside their heads,
Is sometimes hurtful.
Feels like death.
When words coming flowing as fast and as hot as lava.
One tiny thing,
Brings it all up.
After holding harsh thoughts buried inside their heart.
You are the one who's left feeling alone and in the dark.
Feeling confused.
With an ego that is bruised.
How is it that people are so quick to point a finger,
Or pass a judgement,
When they, too, are stuck in cement.
There is not one person on planet earth who is doing everything right.
We all make mistakes.
We all rest our heads at night.
To think that you are much different from somebody else,
Is an ignorant thought.
I hope that ice around your heart suddenly melts.
I hope that when you are old and grey.
You will have many stories to tell.
As that would mean, You actually lived your life.
Made it through the endless fight.
With battle scars to show your efforts.
Wrinkles everywhere.
Looking whetherd.
Feeling completely exhausted.
But completely satisfied.
You are the one who made it.
You didn't die inside.
And when you cross over,
I hope that he decided you're good enough to keep with him.
Instead of living in the middle.
Going through purification.
People can say all the hurtful things they want to.
But you know who you are.
What you do and what a daily basis is like for you.
So let them talk.
Talk until they can't breath.
Little do they know,
You could have been there release.
Only staying for so long,
And being so involved,
To make sure every single person felt loved.
Call it shit talking or destroying lives.
The journey is never easy.
It's thick until you get to the other side.
I know in my heart who I am.
So I take your judgements.
But what happens next is....BAM.
There gone.
No longer in my thought process.
Because I never thought I was a princess.
But to hear you tear apart the person I am,
Really says a lot about the person you aren't.
Maybe people really do hate you fro being beautiful.
It's something they could never do.
Being beautiful isn't about having a pretty face or a banging body.
It's about living everyday to help somebody.
So the next time you find yourself thinking of nasty thoughts,
Just know before they come out of your mouth,
Trying to tear someone down,
Will leave you behind.
Left in the forgotten.
If you think you knew,
I will show you what you want to see.
Nothing of the beautiful parts of me.
I wasn't a flea trying to suck on your worthless blood.
I was a friend.
A sister.
I thought I was loved.
Your hurtful words will never hurt me again.
Because I now know,
That you were never my best friend.
 

Conflicted 12/12

Love can be conflicted.
At times it can seem so vicious.
Factious.
Alluring, But mysterious.
Strong, Warm, Kind, Divine.
Sometimes all at the same time.
it can bring you to the darkest places.
When you close your eyes,
That's the only way now to see their faces.
Time ends.
Your spirit never does.
You cant see them.
But they are right there,
Your loved ones.
Then there's the love that is as white as dove.
As pure as freshly fallen snow.
When your heart starts falling,
You want everyone to know.
You want everyone to be happy.
There are so many different kinds.
Like the love a child gets from her mommy or daddy.
Also like the love you have for your babies.
No matter how scared you are,
Its at every single corner.
In every single face.
It's the air we breath.
It's all over the place.
Then, There is the sick love.
The kind that restricts your breathing.
And grabs you from behind.
It's the one that in your mind,
You know isn't right.
Because it doesn't feel right.
It feels wrong.
For one reason or another.
Sometimes its best to get away.
Move along.
Take whats yours and leave the rest.
The bad is what creates the best.
In you.
So don't be afraid of the next test.
The next fall without a parachute.
This is life.
Not an execution.
You will be fine.
In time...
When the right love comes along,
You'll know it.
Because your not just glowing.
There's literally a fire inside that's been lit.
This love makes you want to be the best possible.
The lead role.
To set an example.
And then run.
As fast as you possibly can.
until you die.
Never give up until you forever close your eyes.
Make more of an effort than "try".
Thinking of it now,
Makes me want to cry.
Because lets face it.
It is so scary.
Even knowing its right.
Because you have to give this person everything.
Your heart.
Your soul.
Your life.
In hopes,
That this great gift of true love is respected.
That you love me.
Unconditionally.
Accept me.
Encourage me.
That you'll always be true and protect me.
Protect my heart.
If it ends,
There will be a permanent scar.
But.....What if it doesn't?
What if I could live my whole life,
With my best friend.
What if he was true.
Until we die.
Until the end.
What if he loved me like I was the only girl in the world.
What if he made me smile everyday.
Without ever saying a word.
What if when he kissed me,
I felt butterflies.
Every time.
What if there was a mutual respect.
And he never told lies.
What if he never intentionally made me cry.
I could live forever not knowing if I didn't try.
So walk to that ledge.
feel the gravel under your feet.
Your unsturdy stance.
Your shaking hands.
Your shirt is wet, From sweat.
Breath through those million breaths per minute.
You're larger than you believe.
Stronger.
Smarter.
Not so small.
So walk to that ledge.
Feet together.
Arms out.
Close your eyes.
Smile and fall.

If Ever A Time, The Time Is NOW 3/13

Do you ever stop to realize,
That just maybe you have a purpose.
That all the pain you have ever felt,
Is worth it.
That without the feelings of utter sadness,
And the never endless madness,
You would never be able to fully appreciate happiness.
That without the downfalls,
Filled with the heaviest rainfall,
There would never be any sun or rainbows at all.
Those day's your skin is warm,
From the burning hot sun,
Are so peaceful.
No running.
No anxiety
Just swimming.
BBQ'S.
Families.
Togetherness.
Forever suddenly begins.
I've been on the other side.
When life is at it's end.
I should have died.
So many times.
With each time of my life being spared.
I'm starting to see.
That I don't need to be scared.
I need to make a difference.
I need to share these experience's.
In hopes,
It's someone else's last hope.
When they can't hold on anymore.
At the end of their rope.
Words of wisdom bring light to life.
A path to share.
A way to show someone,
There's more to learn.
More to see out there.
that some people,
Do actually care.
Look at an object for too long.
Stare.
You'll start to see much more than a simple object sitting there.
Your mind expands.
In enters, Logic.
Your mind in a sense,
Is like how it was when you were ten.
Imagination isn't lost.
And you remember who you really are.
That you haven't been forgotten.
Sometimes that's all it takes.
Is to truly open your eyes.
Or come so close to death,
That you know just how lucky you are to be alive.
Letting spirits come through my soul.
To write these words.
When it's over,
I fly away feeling like a free bird.
Above it all.
Above the clouds.
Sitting on top of the world.
Alone.
But no longer a lonely, scared, girl.
From the moment I seen that light,
Just this past Friday night,
My eye's suddenly opened.
Wider than ever before.
At that moment,
I was once again re-born.
Today, I know what it's like,
To feel truly alive inside.
This is my apology.
For ever wanting to die. 

Floating Hearts Popped With Darts 2/13

Breathless.
Feeling helpless.
Tired.
I'm charred, But alive.
Ive just put the fire out.
The burning pain,
Is still making me want to scream in pain.
Hatred, Disgust, Rage, Bleeding in my vanes.
Rainbows, Colors, God,
Is replaying like a movie reel in my brain.
A well oiled machine keep it maintained.
But the thoughts of you are driving me insane.
Like driving through the roughest terrain.
Bouncing up, down, left, right, and back down again.
My head is starting to pound.
I swear when i land, I'm kissing the ground.
Memories flashing fast with every road sign.
Every mile post.
Where the hell are you?
You're gone when I need you the most.
With every inhale of deceivingly seems to be fresh breath,
It's just pushing me closer to my death.
Driving faster and faster hoping to outrun this devil.
Knowing if I stop,
I might as well grab the shovel.
Dig my own grave 6 feet deep.
Lay down and willing go to sleep.
I can't feel the pedals anymore.
My feet are pressed all the way to the floorboard.
Palms sweaty, Fingers tight.
Griping the only thing that's keeping me from death or life.
Racing you.
Forcing you out of my mind.
The only light is coming from my headlights.
Ive never been so scared.
So alone.
In the middle of the night.
You can only run for so long.
Eventually you're gonna run out of gas.
With no money in your pocket,
You're forced to stop.
You're own your own.
Sitting in silence.
Waiting for the violence.
To catch up to you.
In your ear you hear quiet violins.
Head down.
Hair in face.
Tears falling like they are in they're own race.
Landing in your lap.
Settling in your jeans.
The sun is rising.
As you're prepared for this death for your own life.
Prepared to fight.
You wake only to realize,
This time, it was only a dream.
It doesn't stop your heart from beating to fast.
Skipping beats.
As smart as you are,
You know he'll be back tomorrow.
To meet you in your dreams.
In waking state, It's not too much of a difference.
It all seems the same.
You gave a broken girl hope.
And then shattered her soul.
You're right, I am insane.
I'm insane for letting you in when I was 8.
Parasailing until you come back.
Calling my name.
Being the savior that I like to be,
I can't look at you, Who is also broken,
And leave you to the fate of which you left me.
Stranded.
In the largest, Meanest, vast open angry seas.
Artic, Indian, Pacific, Atlantic, terrified and frantic.
The anxiety we share is multiplied by fear.
I wanted to save yours, So I kept them all for me.
Stayed in darkness.
When I could have been in the clear.
Overwhelmed and out of breath.
Ultimately the cause of death;
She died of being broken and lost her soul that sunny day,
When she was 8 years old.
Only elementary.
She could have been so beautiful on the contrary.
Guilty of believing,
A boy could have saved her life.
With that thought, She was then left to die.