Addiction - 6/22/12

Drug addiction.
There is nothing to even say to describe the pain that's inflicted.
literally tearing through your soul on an angry rampage.
Leaving you stuck in chapter eight.
Unable to turn the page.
Time is in a sense almost stopped.
The person you were before them is long forgotten.
Even when children are involved it seems to hold little bearing.
The selfishness masks the brain.
Leaving the children parent less.
Which to them feels terrifying.
Like an animal in the wild who just lost their mother in a split moment.
They end up lost because they don't know which direction to go in.
Barely knowing how to even feed themselves.
Starving. In every way.
The addiction slowly but surely starts to control every aspect of your life.
Goals disappear and dreams are lost.
Finally have given up from exhaustion.
Now in one of the hardest battle to fight.
You're lucky if you manage to walk away repairing damage.
Creating somewhat of a normal life.
Usually most become lost forever.
Living in the dark.
Reliving every bad choice.
Still using excuses.
Drugs take over your entire brain.
Eventually leaving you useless.
All you can think about is money and how to get your next fix.
Because life is too hard.
You feel you just can't do this.
The second after that drug is released into your body.
You instantly feel a relief.
Kind of like prayer to some, In their beliefs.
Meanwhile the children here right by your side.
Are experiencing all of this first hand.
Feeling as if something is actually wrong with them.
You know there is, But they can't understand.
Until you get to an age old enough to figure it all out for yourself.
To finally have your answers.
Then comes anger.
How could you do this.
How could you abandon me.
Leaving me with strangers.
The addict is still running laps in their hamster wheel.
Not caring about anything or anyone.
because they have lost the ability to feel.
To feel for anyone besides their drug addict self.
Refusing anything positive.
Rejecting help.
The cycle repeats in families because you are the one left, Awkwardly standing.
Always trying to find the function that feels abnormal.
But having to come to the conclusion,
This addict made you this girl.
Created your vision of the world.
That the people in it are bad and don't care.
That I should walk with my head down.
Feeling scared.
They don't seem to understand what they are doing isn't fair.
If you think you have to be an addict to understand addiction.
You are wrong.
And I know this because these are event I was regretfully there to witness.