I want to run so far.
Why the fuck wont you let go of me?!
You say you love me,
But then constantly disrespect me.
You say you don't use me,
But we both know that's not true.
Because the minute I get upset,
Not it's your turn to take off and jet.
Instead of comforting me.
No communication.
Alienation.
One minute I'm sky diving,
And the next you jacked my parachute.
Stealing my life line right out from under me.
Treating me like I'm nothing.
This head game is making me angry.
Because I loved you.
Still do.
Even when you didn't love me.
Accepting all the shitty things about you.
Never using super glue.
Never trying to change you.
Never abandoning you.
In all the times you said,
I need you...
I came running like a true friend.
A friend before lover's.
Because what happens under the covers,
Is never what's most important.
Intimacy is sacred to me.
Clearly not you with one look at these bitches.
Or girls you could say.
Does it even matter their age.
Like you said,
There's nothing wrong with cougars!
The love you offer,
Is smothered in an unsafe substance.
Unsafe for my heart, soul, and mind.
Making me feel insecure with all these "friends."
Because you can't seem to figure out what's most important.
So here I am.
Saying go ahead.
Have your cake and eat it too.
All I know,
Is that I don't tolerate men like you.
It wont be my cake you're eating.
You may think I need you.
But let's get one thing crystal clear.
I'm a fucking savage warrior.
I've been through more than most of these pussy ass men.
I will never allow another human being to belittle me,
And treat me like they have forgotten my worth.
They always talk about the fish in the sea,
But never the mermaids.
One day,
When it's your heart that's desperately hurting,
I hope you see me smiling.
Not to make it burn,
But so that maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.
For messing with one of the craziest.
The most clinically insane.
The kind that you should run from.
The minute you start mistreating and abusing them.
Taking this unconditional love for granted.
Try to find another like me.
I dare you.
You can take your ego,
And walk away from me without turning around.
I will take my pride,
And walk the other way.
In the opposite direction.
Fuck being friends.
I've seen how that ends.
With girl names....
Bleeeeeep.
It never works for me.
Maybe for you.
Considering there's nothing real about you.
The manipulation used to get exactly what's wanted,
Will forever haunt me.
I almost let it ruin me.
Being so much smarter than this,
I'm still not sure how it even happened.
One minute I'm sailing,
And the next I'm drowning.
My drops if my phone rings.
Triggering the deepest pain.
Terrified of what I am going to see.
Because although I have the strength to endure anything,
Something inside me,
Tells me to look.
To see.
To investigate these feelings.
It's compelling.
Overwhelming.
Whispering in my ear,
It's never over girl.
No matter how desperate I am for it's end.
Something inside says,
Make this shit work.
Love is worth it.
It's not easy.
It's not suppose to be.
So grab my hand and come with me.
Stop wasting time crying.
Forget the genders and names of complete strangers.
Who don't even matter.
And free fall from the sky again.
Having trust this time,
That my parachute is my own,
And will open without problems.
That it won't be stolen.
Believing in dreams.
Sharing happiness like you're a part of a team.
Accepting people as they come.
Flaws and all.
Finding them more beautiful because of it.
Like they are mosaic pieces in a cathedral building.
So priceless.
A best friend to spend your life with.
No games of chess.
No emptiness.
Lost Sunday confessions.
Craziness.
Of only the right kind.
Blessed.
Not stressed.
With the thought of being able to have everything I could ever dream,
I panic all over again.
Over trivial things.
Because when you have something,
You now have something to lose.
Regardless of what YOU choose.
Your heart is placed within someone else's hands.
It's something I'm never ok with.
I like to blame other's,
But I'm the one who ruins my own life.
My own happiness.
I lose me.
My own best friend.
By getting lost in these things and people.
What makes me most happiest,
Is exactly what destroys me every single time.
Trying to save other people's lives.
I think I have finally learned my own lesson,
In all of this;
Fix yourself before trying to fix someone else.
Maybe with individual work,
You can finally meet up again.
Destiny may create a chance.
You run into each other again.
Being two different people.
You meet because of the fray in the middle.
That's what happens,
With broken people....
Why the fuck wont you let go of me?!
You say you love me,
But then constantly disrespect me.
You say you don't use me,
But we both know that's not true.
Because the minute I get upset,
Not it's your turn to take off and jet.
Instead of comforting me.
No communication.
Alienation.
One minute I'm sky diving,
And the next you jacked my parachute.
Stealing my life line right out from under me.
Treating me like I'm nothing.
This head game is making me angry.
Because I loved you.
Still do.
Even when you didn't love me.
Accepting all the shitty things about you.
Never using super glue.
Never trying to change you.
Never abandoning you.
In all the times you said,
I need you...
I came running like a true friend.
A friend before lover's.
Because what happens under the covers,
Is never what's most important.
Intimacy is sacred to me.
Clearly not you with one look at these bitches.
Or girls you could say.
Does it even matter their age.
Like you said,
There's nothing wrong with cougars!
The love you offer,
Is smothered in an unsafe substance.
Unsafe for my heart, soul, and mind.
Making me feel insecure with all these "friends."
Because you can't seem to figure out what's most important.
So here I am.
Saying go ahead.
Have your cake and eat it too.
All I know,
Is that I don't tolerate men like you.
It wont be my cake you're eating.
You may think I need you.
But let's get one thing crystal clear.
I'm a fucking savage warrior.
I've been through more than most of these pussy ass men.
I will never allow another human being to belittle me,
And treat me like they have forgotten my worth.
They always talk about the fish in the sea,
But never the mermaids.
One day,
When it's your heart that's desperately hurting,
I hope you see me smiling.
Not to make it burn,
But so that maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.
For messing with one of the craziest.
The most clinically insane.
The kind that you should run from.
The minute you start mistreating and abusing them.
Taking this unconditional love for granted.
Try to find another like me.
I dare you.
You can take your ego,
And walk away from me without turning around.
I will take my pride,
And walk the other way.
In the opposite direction.
Fuck being friends.
I've seen how that ends.
With girl names....
Bleeeeeep.
It never works for me.
Maybe for you.
Considering there's nothing real about you.
The manipulation used to get exactly what's wanted,
Will forever haunt me.
I almost let it ruin me.
Being so much smarter than this,
I'm still not sure how it even happened.
One minute I'm sailing,
And the next I'm drowning.
My drops if my phone rings.
Triggering the deepest pain.
Terrified of what I am going to see.
Because although I have the strength to endure anything,
Something inside me,
Tells me to look.
To see.
To investigate these feelings.
It's compelling.
Overwhelming.
Whispering in my ear,
It's never over girl.
No matter how desperate I am for it's end.
Something inside says,
Make this shit work.
Love is worth it.
It's not easy.
It's not suppose to be.
So grab my hand and come with me.
Stop wasting time crying.
Forget the genders and names of complete strangers.
Who don't even matter.
And free fall from the sky again.
Having trust this time,
That my parachute is my own,
And will open without problems.
That it won't be stolen.
Believing in dreams.
Sharing happiness like you're a part of a team.
Accepting people as they come.
Flaws and all.
Finding them more beautiful because of it.
Like they are mosaic pieces in a cathedral building.
So priceless.
A best friend to spend your life with.
No games of chess.
No emptiness.
Lost Sunday confessions.
Craziness.
Of only the right kind.
Blessed.
Not stressed.
With the thought of being able to have everything I could ever dream,
I panic all over again.
Over trivial things.
Because when you have something,
You now have something to lose.
Regardless of what YOU choose.
Your heart is placed within someone else's hands.
It's something I'm never ok with.
I like to blame other's,
But I'm the one who ruins my own life.
My own happiness.
I lose me.
My own best friend.
By getting lost in these things and people.
What makes me most happiest,
Is exactly what destroys me every single time.
Trying to save other people's lives.
I think I have finally learned my own lesson,
In all of this;
Fix yourself before trying to fix someone else.
Maybe with individual work,
You can finally meet up again.
Destiny may create a chance.
You run into each other again.
Being two different people.
You meet because of the fray in the middle.
That's what happens,
With broken people....
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