Love Sick 6/13

Love.
What a joke.
Nothing but a loss of control.
Choking you.
Until you puke.
The good moments,
Don't outweigh the pain of the heartache from bad ones.
They leave you feeling completely numb.
Gone.
Hating life.
They put a beautiful ring on your left hand.
Claiming you like property.
As a "Wife".
When most day's are more than a struggle.
The longest strides.
Afraid of liars.
Or the opposite.
Totally innocent.
And naive.
Believing,
In this fairytale ending.
Like Cinderella and her glass slipper.
When in reality It's your night gown and slippers.
Living everyday for everyone but yourself.
Tearing yourself into pieces trying to make it work.
When inside,
You're hiding how much it hurts.
Because you're mom.
There is no one else to lean on.
Having to become a solid rock.
Almost as cold as stone at times.
Just to make it through the struggles in this life.
Where you're trying to be the perfect wife.
The perfect mother.
When you're the one who feels smothered.
Like you're drowning.
And then here comes another prince charming.
Promising promises that were never meant to be kept.
Kissing and cuddling in the morning after you've slept.
Checking in to see how your day is going.
Making you feel as if you matter.
With what they are displaying. Offering. Showing.
And then one day your phone doesn't ring.
Days go by and suddenly you feel an urge to cry.
To question yourself.
To wonder why.
I thought you were a good guy.
They are like one in a million.
Disguised.
Driving Subaru's and Mustangs.
Like white stallions.
Leaving trails of pain everywhere they race.
And then crazy gets thrown in your face.
Whats wrong with you?
Why do you have a heart?
Why do you have feelings?
I thought we meant no strings?
I thought I could use you.
Emotionally abuse you.
Mind fuck you.
Then leave you.
Why is that not ok?
I don't care what you have to say.
It's just me.
My life.
Fuck your feelings right?
No.
Fuck you!
For everything you put girls like me through.
I didn't need to be stuck to you like glue.
I choose to.
Believing in what you were deceiving.
Like a panther stalking the weak.
Like I'm cattle.
Like I'm sheep.
Sometimes even forcefully putting me to sleep.
Like I'm yours to keep.
Like you can do whatever you want with me.
I hate some men at times.
Pigs.
They eat women just as similar as pigs with their food.
No limits.
No standards.
Taking a break after literally getting sick.
I will never again believe in a man.
Or in love.
If I love myself enough,
I will never need it from another.
And I will never again have to feel these feelings.
Or lay underneath a man using me.
Making me feel completely smothered.
I'm stronger than I believe to be.
Because I'm a mother.
I have no choice but to be.
So please,
Painfully watch me walk away and leave.
Leave you,
Standing here like a fool.